Thanks. Saw your most recent post. Sounds like you are doing what you have to. Stick with it. Remember, a female will not love a man she doesn't respect.
Reading your thread is helping me to see what I need to be doing also..
I hope it helps. I am by no means perfect. I am still figuring this stuff out too.
Coach taught me that you should do what you think is right. And Coach taught me all my actions should be with the goal of maintaining my honor.
Puppy taught me to act as if God himself were standing next to me watching me when I decided to take a certain action.
Just hang in there. You really don't know where its going. Just keep fighting and see where you end up. No matter what, you WILL be a better father and person. And most importantly, YOU WILL BE HAPPIER.
Hi GIMA, it all sounds great! I know that would have been extremly hard for me to ask my H if he wanted to go with us, so your W gets some Brownie points! Also, the fact she is asked about adding her cell phone to the family plan...she knows you can see her calls, right? Another plus! Hope you can enjoy the trip and not worry about every little thing she says/does. You need to relax and both of you enjoy this time together.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, thanks for the input. I always love hearing your thoughts given your experience.
Quote:
Also, the fact she is asked about adding her cell phone to the family plan...she knows you can see her calls, right? Another plus! Hope you can enjoy the trip and not worry about every little thing she says/does. You need to relax and both of you enjoy this time together.
I had thought about the fact I would be able to see her calls and texting records. She's no dummy, she knows this as well. She is going to check with her current employer's cell phone contact and see if she can get a better deal, so we will see.
Also, Dia brought up an excellent point last night - that b/c it is hard for my W to reach out to me right now, I need to make this (trip and any other times where she tests the waters to reach out to me/us)as easy on her as I can. I started that last night, and I will continue to do that without rolling over completely and reverting back to a person who did not challenge her on anything. That guy's dead and gone, and he ain't coming back (sorry, but I AM a southerner).
GIMA, I understand your confusion. Just stay calm, PMA'n and steady. Plan the trip together, partner up on it and plan something different. Ask her," how can I help?" No R talk, be ready for some pushback, have responses ready in case she asks about your changes and keep filling her love buckets. Lead on.
Strength and Honor
Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Good evening. Went to a dinner and a movie (The Hangover) with a good friend (my S's Godfather).
Just got home, and W has retreated to her room. Not surprised, and not affected.
Took care of getting W a new cell phone today and, at her request, having her added to my cell plan - ha, at least we are a family, if in nothing more than a cell phone plan. Really didn't have the time to do this today, but made time for it. For some reason, it was important to ME to get this done for her. Not looking for anything in return. Just the right thing to do. And it made ME feel good helping someone else.
Came home before dinner and dropped off W's new phone. W was making dinner for her and the kids. She asked who put one of the racks back in the oven (I did a few days ago - she had removed it). I said, I did, why? W says, well, I hope I don't get dog hairs on the chicken I just put in the oven. Old me: Sorry, thought I was helping, you ungrateful...(at least that's what I would say on the inside). New me: Well, I'm heading out to meet XXX for dinner and the movie. You guys have a good dinner. What was that? Off a duck's back in any event.
Earlier today, met an old high school friend I haven't seen in a long time. Turns out he has recently remarried (2nd) after his divorce. WTF, is everyone either divorced or contemplating it? Anyway, was good to catch up.
The thought occured to me today as to how W is going to handle sleeping arrangements for she and I while on we are on vacation next week. Small condo/room means kids will notice if we aren't in the same room and bed. On the way home, I thought about how awkward it would be to be in the same bed as her. Strange and sad that I have almost forgotten what it's like to lay next to her. But, enough of the sadness.
Tomorrow is W's last day of work. Who knows what changes that will bring.
I must say, I laughed my a$$ off at that movie, it's a little racy to say the least, but man was it funny. Good to laugh during these times of instability, eh?
Good luck today for you W, hope all is well with you, sounds like your doing great!
You asked about if everyone is having troubles in there M, and on second M, etc. and I agree. The few people I have confided in about my issue at work, I have run into 2 that are also having issues. I gave them this website, and told them to start checking it out!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Re: sleeping arrangements - What's been working for me at present is a sort of off-hand approach, lightly indicating what I'd like but letting H know that either way is fine and I won't be upset with him. Welcoming but not pushing. I've also given the message that whatever arrangement is ok as a one-time thing, as in, "I would enjoy having you there (in the same bed) but it's fine either way."
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
