Ok, so how about some advice from you men about how to get my H to want to sleep with me?? Ok - he's already admitted that he wants to, so how do I get him to actually do it?
What worked before the M problems?
For men, visual is where it's at. We are visually stimulated.
For me, there are certain ways my W can act. Flirting is big. And not just right before we ML, but flirting during the day in a quick telephone call or a txt. Built the anticipation for when I got home.
God, now I am remembering how long ago she has done any of this. Oh, well, at least they are happy memories.
Well, tonight is definately not the night! I got home from the gym and barely got a hello. She was getting ready for bed. I figured why not turn in early, too? As soon as I came into the bedroom and began to change, she asked why I was coming to bed and not staying up. I asked if she wanted me to wait a bit until she falls asleep (I snore). She said no, just that I usually don't go to bed before 10. I took the hint, and am now sitting on the couch watching TV. Oh well. Probably better, because now I have the memories of the old days in my head eight now!
Whoa...all she did was ask why you were turning in earlier than usual and you got a full board rejection feeling from that AND went downstairs? Yikes...now I can say that my gut tells me she was wondering why b/c she thought it MIGHT mean you wanted to ML OR it MIGHT mean you were tired from work or not feeling well OR wanting to have R talk...OR, OR OR....a lot of stuff.
I would not have made a ML comment but would think a stronger statement like "is there a problem with me coming to sleep now?" would be in order. As for the snoring, that's nice that you asked her, BUT YOU ASKED her about that and she said "No you don't have to wait" but you did anyhow and went downstairs... wth?
Look- I get that you are confused. But you did some negative mind reading tonight about her question to you, and when she point blank answered your question and told you that YOU could in fact sleep then and there, and she didn't ask that you wait awhile or come back later, you chose to do so anyhow. Hmmmm, how much does she have to show you? I mean IF she did want you to pursue, you are not making it easy on her. You are making it clear that she has to positively respond to your very first possible (AND NOT OBVIOUS) sign that you might be interested. And if she doesn't, you bolt out of there.
There are a lot of ways to look at the interaction as to what she may have meant, felt or wanted, but what she SAID was not unreasonable, and what you DID, was to leave...I'm not feeling so hot about that choice. Sorry...
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Ok, so how about some advice from you men about how to get my H to want to sleep with me?? Ok - he's already admitted that he wants to, so how do I get him to actually do it?
What worked before the M problems?
For men, visual is where it's at. We are visually stimulated.
For me, there are certain ways my W can act. Flirting is big. And not just right before we ML, but flirting during the day in a quick telephone call or a txt. Built the anticipation for when I got home.
God, now I am remembering how long ago she has done any of this. Oh, well, at least they are happy memories.
I'll ruminate on this over in my own thread so's not to continue the threadjack.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
25, To be honest, I wanted to climb into bed with her to see if she wanted to talk about the mixed message i've been getting from her over the weekend, the rejection letter and then the text where she regretted the letter. After she asked why I was going to bed early, she put on her iPod headphones, so I knew she wasn't about to talk. I had just gotten back from the gym, so I was a little pumped up anyway, so I went to watch TV for a little bit. Should I have climbed in bed anyway? Maybe, but I probably would have stayed awake for a while staring at the ceiling while she slept. Believe me, I haven't cowered to her at all lately.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I think I'm in a gray area for DBing, unless I don't understand it fully. Let me explain: I wrote about the letter she sent and how final it was. Then she texted me that she regretted the letter. Between those times, I was avoiding her and barely talking to her, and as much as I tried to hide it, was visibly upset. Not crying or yelling, but not my usual self. After the regret text, I warmed a little. I spoke to her more, didn't leave the house as much. At first, she seemed receptive, now she is withdrawing again, and even apparently avoiding me. Now, do I get all cold and avoid her and not speak to her as much as possible again, or do I maintain communication, even if she seems unresponsive? Is she waiting for me to do or say something? Should I bring up the R again? We will be together this weekend doing stuff with the kids, you'll recall in her text to me she said she would rather be with us doing fun stuff together rather than go away. Not sure what to do here, looking for some advice. And BTW, I am not looking for ML right now, it's not about that. God knows the lack of intimacy has me crawling up the walls, but I don't see it even being the slightest bit of a possibility right now. I just want to re-connect with W. Thanks.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Hmmm, my sense of DB detaching is the 'cold' isn't a part of it. You can be upbeat and positive in your interactions with her, and you can give her her space pleasantly and cordially w/o being cold.
If she perceives that you're withdrawn and pouting - whether you are or not - it's probably not a good thing. I think the DB stuff says that we should present a happy, confident face to our spouses no matter what we are feeling inside. Maybe a more experienced poster will chime in with a better explanation.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Sounds like that's what she wants as well. How are you going to do it? - confidence - filling her love buckets (LLs) - patience - make it about her - no pressure, hovering, or temperature taking - play with your kids - let her come to you
Handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
