I was shocked while reading Codependent No More that so many things I did that I thought were good for my family turned out to be oh so bad.
Reading The Four Agreements (listed on my signature line), helped create a standard to live by.
Radical Forgiveness is based on immediately forgiving the person for their behavior because what they're saying is actually striking a nerve within you. That big reactions come from unresolved hurts within. I didn't understand it until the friend who told me about the book started teasing me. I asked him to stop. He kept doing it. I asked to listen to me, that this was upsetting me. He continued. I got angry and was in tears.
"Well, you've got to forgive me." he said.
"What??"
"Well.. you don't get upset when I curse, it doesn't bother you if I do X, Y or Z. But if I tease you, something snaps within you. Maybe your family teased too much. Maybe it reminds you of how your spouse treated you. Whatever is happening is happening within you. Accept it, be aware of it and you can start working on it."
"Damn... hmmmm."
The underlying message is... do what it takes to get healthy in mind, body and spirit. The rest will follow.
You are a wonderful woman. The truth comes out. People like to take sides and have opinions over juicy topics.
Find a better counselor. A counselor can't be more expensive than the rent you were shelling out.
Fear is an intimidating beast. My counselor's focus was on me getting healthy, which meant that I stop doing things that hurt me.
I still want the same thing. To give the three bears the best I've got. Now I have to figure out how to do that. Peace.
Get healthy first, the rest will follow. Put the I in Goldey.
Your boundaries sound good, like calling the police if he's out of control. Give something to yourself. Do for you. Get out and GAL. Heck, meet up with Kerry and see who can handle the spiciest food.
And those boots can help you walk the walk. You are a super hero.
