Look how far you have come in a short time. Wonderful!!!!
I don't know what it is about tantric sex but I came across something about that not too long ago. Had heard of it before but had no idea that it was all about energy. I know you have read Eckerd Tolle, Law of Attraction, and you mentioned some of the others. I totally believe in the idea of energy and I thought that tantric sex thing was pretty cool.
One of the things that I keep hearing is raise your vibration because people around you will have to raise theirs. I think that is so true. Eventually Mr. Grump will probably disappear. It may take a while, this is not on our timetable, which I think is one of the hardest thing for us to learn.
Keep doing what you are doing.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I was sadly LOL your post back to me. Mr. Snoop got quite the eyefull, huh? NOTHING on the computer but tantric sex sites? Niiiiiice!
Just wondering... does he see you spending extra time on your phone or computer now? What's with the sudden interest? I understand your thinking re: snooping to see if you're talking about him, BUT... anything else there?
Cat:
I haven't read Law of Attraction. When you mentioned raising your vibration, in turn others will, are you pulling from that book? Sounds interesting. I'd be interested to hear how. Of course, as a "girl" I can only think of ONE way to raise a vibration! LOL I'm SURE I'm off base on that one!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The vibration thing, I don't know if it is in the Law of Attraction or the Secret, been a long time since I have read the books, but it is all about energy. If you can accept that everything is all energy, gives off energy, and that we all effect the other then it is sort of easy to grasp.
Here is a way I think of it, when I go Christmas shopping, only a day or two before Christmas, have no time, the stores are packed, even if I am happy and wonderful when I head out the door, everyone is frustrated because the stores are crowded, they can't find what they are looking for, babies crying, people impatient because they have sooooo much to do and no time, just rushing, rushing, rushing, well there is a negative vibration in the air and usually, no matter how good my mood was, it gets brought down while I am out. Now if I walk into a store where there is no craziness, just nice music playing, calm, then I feel better. I don't know if that makes sense.
There is so much on the internet and in books about different ways to raise your vibration, but the best way is through faith. Music that feeds your soul, dancing, laughing, doing things that you really fully enjoy, all of these sorts of things will raise your vibration. Chakra balancing is important also, there are many ways to do that, but it really isn't that hard. Find what feeds your soul and then do it. And then do more of it. Chase away the negative thoughts because then you are putting it out to the universe and it becomes something.
It is the butterfly effect. If you are happier, those around you will be happier, which makes you happier, which makes them happier and so on. And the reverse happens with negative emotions. It doesn't mean you will never feel them, but you become aware and don't let them take over. I'm not the best at explaining it really because I am still learning. And there are so many different schools of thought as to the how's. But like with everything, you have to read, learn, try, and keep what feels good and right to you, and let go of the rest.
Personally, one of my "uppers" is construction. I know it sounds a little dumb, but I just love creating things.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I`ve decided not to wonder why H is snooping. No point in trying to figure out the Alien mind-I`d just get sucked back into helping/controlling/feeling sorry for him again.
Its definitely going to take more than a vibration to raise his energy level too. I`d have to positively rock to shift him.
But I`m working on rocking just for me and the kids. He can move or stay frozen if he wants!
Right now, I`m all about setting boundaries with MrSnoop/Angry. I now my detaching is driving him nuts and since anger is THE huge issue for him I have to find new ways to protect me and the kids and let him know its not acceptable to me.
Tantric sex-definitely go google! Coincidentally my VBF in all of this M chaos rang me yesterday to see if I was interested in going with her to a place that does tantric sex massage.Of course taking her up on that offer would be a huge 180 for me would hit the "be myterious button" the "be freakin hot" button and the "GAL your ass off" button.
Well, my therapist told me yesterday not to accept H ranting at me. Remember his raving(yeah, he was really angry)on Sunday "You`ve a lot to answer for!Can`t even talk to my mother on the phone now!" followed by "I was a f**kin fool to marry you" She said you have to turn your back on him when he gets like that. Let him know you won`t accept it.
Well, I was happy after Sunday`s `convo` that I called him on his language and that I listened and stayed calm while my heart was thumping in fear at his rage.
I`ve noted too that my detaching is getting him angrier and snippier by the week. I can just tell by the look in his eye, the curl on his lip that he`s angry with ME and ALL THE TIME! Cue xanax, meditation, prayer, self talk and now, setting boundaries on that anger too.
My chance came last night. Told him I was heading away for the weekend with two of the kids(other kid has a tournament on Sun and my SIL would be taking him to it). H immediately got snippy.
H: Why are you only telling me now?I could be going somewhere this weekend.Who`s gonna mind DS? FG: If its a problem for you minding DS don`t worry I`ll sort something out. where are you going anyway? H: Yeah, that`s my business FG:Not if it concerns the welfare of our son. But I`ll sort that out. H: Of course I can mind him. Why don`t you stay away for a week FG:Thanks for looking after him H:Sure why wouldn`t I?
(Doncha just lurve the workins of the Alien mind?)
Well, the above opened the flood gates of H`s anger once again.I suspected it would. I didn`t take xanax, just got into bed with my book and waited.
He stood over me in the bed, stared down at me and started
"You`re just a hypocrite. You know that? I`d love to take DS home with me but I can`t because of you you`re such..."
Well, I couldn`t turn my back like the T said. I haven`t read this in MWD`s books either but I just looked him in the eye and told him I would not listen if he continued to insult me. He continued to insult me so I stuck my fingers in my ears!
So there I am, fingers in ears,saying the rosary silently, DH standing above me mouth jawing on but I can`t hear a thing so I`m happy. My arms are getting tired but I can pray and keep them up and stick this out. Eventually(talking 10 mins here) he walks off.
Comes back again though. This time tried to prize my book("Letting Go"-oh, the irony of it!) from my hand but I don`t let him and tell him to stop so he takes my cell phone from my locker but I take it from him and tell him to stop snooping on me too and I hear him insulting again so back in go the fingers.
Eventually he sits down on the bed. He calms. I look at him, in my heart praying for him and wishing him well.
H:How are you in all of this? FG:I`m doin ok. I`m learning more than I ever expected. Oh its painful, a very painful place but pain is a good teacher. I`m happy within myself even though I know there`s pain around H: You`re 46 for God`s sake aren`t the lessons you are learning now shouldn`t you have learnt them already? FG:I`ll still be learning when I`m 66! Some lessons just come in the time you`re ready for them and anyway, I don`t do regrets.
He`s kicking over and back with questions. More looking for R talk and S talk from me I know but I deflect that. Looking for me to ask him about him but I don`t do that either. then he tells me he`s very angry with me
I tell him nobody on the planet knows him better than me. He says I don`t know him. I say of course there is always more to know about someone. But that I do know that he`s angry he doesn`t need to tell me that I can see it in his throat and in his lower lip.No need to say it at all.
He asks where is this all going to go? I say "Who knows?"
He asks how my mother is. I tell him. But I don`t ask about his Mum because its a big dark bone of contention for him and he is no way ready to tackle her role in this.
He asks what is happening to us. I say we are both going though our own Life Crises. He says "You`re going through a life crisis. But I`m not. My problem is YOU!"
He asks what would I do differently in another R. I say that depends on the time the circumstances and the other person.
I keep my answers short. I don`t ask any questions. I stay calm. H looks out the window a lot as if waiting for a verbal wave from me. Old Me would definitely have given him that.
Then he turns around and says I`m very angry with me and you`re going to pay for that.
FG: That`s a threat
H: I`m not threating I`m just saying"You re going to pay"
FG: Saying You`re gonna pay is a threat.Don`t threaten me. I know you`re angry. I can see you`re angry but you`re anger will hurt you more than it can hurt me.
He stays silent for a long time. Then leaves. I would have left long ago but I was in bed!
"No point in standing around I suppose" and he leaves.
Not the very best convo but on the plus side H didn`t use any bad language so he learnt to back off on that last Sun. This time he has to have learnt not to hurl insults at me, that I`ll listen when he`s calm, that I`m not in control of the R or S if that happens.
I learned to stay calm and that I didn`t need xanax to do that for me. I learned to stick my fingers in my ears if I don`t want to be ranted at.
I relearned that there`s really no point in trying to figure out the workings of the Alien mind.
I actually don't think that was a really bad conversation. I know they hurt and then drive you nuts after, but he managed to calm enough to actually tell you what is going on in his head. You handled it beautifully. Did your C tell you to just walk away when he starts that? Mine suggested going into the bathroom, but to expect to be followed at least the first few times.
My only suggestion, the next time he asks what is going on, just day I don't know. Trying to tell them what is going on, well it is obvious in his answer, you are having a crisis and he is fine. But THIS, what you are doing now, is how you get through this time.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Thanks, Cat, long post but I`m trying to journal here as I can`t anywhere else with H snooping! And I need to keep track of things. yeah, I`m ok with last night. Feel I`ve set another boundary. Couldn`t leave the room though as he`d just take over the bed and wait for me to get back to it and start on me then.
I`m just not taking his verbal abuse anymore. Learned at therapy I`d lost my voice in childhood-no, not literally, but couldn`t stand up for myself and was pushed into the fear place too fast.
Yes, there`s a lot of learning in all of this.
No, no point in telling em what`s going on either.
I'm SURE I'm off base on that one!