Me:52 W:50 M:30 D:19S:27 Discovered EA:08/08 denied W insisted on D+ILYBNILWY:08/08 Exposed wrong OMW:10/08 Found exact OM's ID 2/09 Expose OMW son, not sure OMW knows yet 25 months after still a rollercoaster
I think that you should let sleeping dogs lie here my friend. You have already won, and your wife chose YOU!
Why do you think that you are just now seriously considering this? Why not while it was going on, or 11 months ago, immediately after it ended between them? Do you think that it could have to do with the fact that its been a year since the A ended? That maybe this anniversary is weighing heavily on your mind and thats why you are so focused on this? I think that this will pass. This desire to punish the OM can will and should be allowed to pass, when you start to think about it, push it out of your mind. This does nothing constructive for you, it does not help your M, or your sitch. Let it go.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
We are posetively going to a full recovery and I hope in a short period of time we can live our lives 100% as we were before. I don't want to screwed it.
Start seeing a marriage counselor, then. How are you going to deal with this 5-10 years down the road if you are this full anger and resentment now.
Have you moved your boat yet and found a new grocery store?
bluerain..."Why do you think that you are just now seriously considering this? Why not while it was going on, or 11 months ago..." I was too busy ,thanks God, (cooling down, fighting my anger, trying not to kill somebody) , concentrating on the changes my wife demanded. Fighting to keep our marriage alive. As a matter of fact I screwed up at the beginning on the identity of this individual and I confronted the wrong OM and the wrong OMW. I wasn't doing my invetigative work well. Not until about the end of December 2008 (4 months after the DD) when I finally had full information of who this guy was. I couldn't even concentrate on my work until about the end of February. But what difference it would make to experience this impulses of retaliation on the past, present or the future. This feeling will always be there for ever. I because I love my wife I'm committed to go forward. Sooner or later I will reach the point where all of this will be part of the past. My faith in God is now stronger and that's part of the changes I'm gracefully showing my wife and she's receiving it with pleasure.
English is not my first language. Sorry for those who are wondering about "communication barriers"
Steve, If by our 30th wedding anniversary next year in May 21th I still have the same resentment feeling belive me I will search for professional help. By now I feel confortable.
BTW. I'm thinking about giving my wife a surprise. We are not married by the church. I'm planning along with her sister overseas to prepare a family wedding ceremony in a beautiful small catholic church that we saw during our visit to Venezuela on vacation. What do you think...LOVE TO ALL PPL IN DB
Last edited by dgtal; 07/30/0903:54 PM.
Me:52 W:50 M:30 D:19S:27 Discovered EA:08/08 denied W insisted on D+ILYBNILWY:08/08 Exposed wrong OMW:10/08 Found exact OM's ID 2/09 Expose OMW son, not sure OMW knows yet 25 months after still a rollercoaster
Me:52 W:50 M:30 D:19S:27 Discovered EA:08/08 denied W insisted on D+ILYBNILWY:08/08 Exposed wrong OMW:10/08 Found exact OM's ID 2/09 Expose OMW son, not sure OMW knows yet 25 months after still a rollercoaster
Dgtal, do you think that maybe this is misplaced resentment that should be directed at your W? That you are angry, and you would rather place ALL of the blame on this OM instead of aiming it at your wife because you are afraid she will get angry?
Im not saying that you should try to make your W suffer or anything like that, or that you need to direct this anger at her, but maybe you need to remember that its not just his fault that there was an affair.
I could be totally off track there, but I just wanted to put in a suggestion of what might be going on. An outsiders perspective sometimes can be useful.
I think that your idea of renewing your vows/or legally getting married is great. I think that often it can provide great healing to a wounded marriage.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
