In Limbo

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Three months ago my wife came home and said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to be married anymore. After 15 years of marriage, three sons 11,9,7 she is contemplating a divorce. I have got every reason from I have been controlling the whole marriage, to I stopped wanting to go out all the time, I need time to find myself. She doesn't care about my feelings only hers at this time. Her family won't talk to her, her friends won't talk to her. She has started hanging out with her old college group staying out till 2am, dressing like she is 25, getting a tattoo on her butt. The typical midlife crisis stuff. One of them in the group is an old boyfriend. I have confronted her on several occasions if there is an affair. She has denied everytime. At this point, not sure I care. whether it is an emotional or physical affair it still is an affair. I have done everything you are not supposed to do up to this point. Wrote letters, tell her I will wait for her to make up her mind. After the kids were born, I just went to work, played with the kids and yes then came my wife. I will be the first to admit, I didn't put her first. She said this has been coming for years. There is nothing I did right in our marriage according to her. Then came the I love you, but not in love with you speech. You have paid all the bills, taken care of everything. I just want to be independent and buy things when I want to buy them. She doesn't really take our wedding vows all that seriously now. She said, don't wait if you need to find someone else to make you happy go ahead. She has created this wall around her that is impenetrable. I can break through. She is destroying me and my family. I still do love her and am holding out hope. I know I am supposed to work on myself, find things that make me happy. I am trying, but this is horrible. Some days I get through ok, however, most days I am miserable. I know I need to detach, however, it is hard. She is so cold and emotionless right now. She thinks divorce can be amicable. We can get 2 houses close by and I can come over anytime I want. That will not happen. I don't want to have to see her everyday... I still hold out hope she will see the light. It has been only three months...I will not leave this house. I don't want to be the one to file. I just want my wife to coma back before I pass the point of no return. I am 40, she is 39. How do I handle this pain I am in everyday? Should I just file and be done with it?