First Timer

[wolverine1997]

I agree. I just don't know what to do. I tried and tried to get her to go to counseling but she refuses. She says that she doesn't need help and that I can go if I want. We went on two seperate occasions but in each instance she only went for two visits and then quit.

I think that I will just have to let this run its course. I don't think that she will get any help until she hits rock bottom. I think that at some point she will file for divorce or is going to try to move out and get her own place. At that point in time I suspect that she will see how hard it is for her to make it on her own and by herself. She is not very good at paying bills and budgeting. Her standard of living will take a large hit because she won't be able to maintain it on her salary.

If she files for divorce I hope that I would get custody of the kids. I would strongly question her mental status and show that she has been diagnosed with depression but would never treat it. At that point I think that she would strongly question her decisions and choices. But I'm hoping that it doesn't get to that.

[wolverine1997]

Well, I'm finished decorating the living room. My wife saw me putting up new draperies and didn't say a word. She hasn't said one word about the draperies or the new shades that I put up throughtout the house either. And I haven't asked for her opinion, which is very hard for me since she has always taken care of this stuff before and I'm more of a drill and power tool type of guy. But I must admit that I think that I have done a pretty good job so far. Still have more to do.

[sandi2]

Unless her LL has to do with good deeds.....(don't think that is what it's called in the book, but my mind went blank).....I don't know that all that decorating is doing that much for her. I did not realize that we ususually treat our spouse in our own LL. For an example, my H's LL is good deeds, acts of service...(whatever)....and that is the way he shows his love for me. But that is not my LL, so it doesn't do a whole lot. My LL is intimate conversation or words of affirmation. Guess what? He doesn't do that. So, I don't get much words and he doesn't get much acts of service! Just thought about that when reading your post.

[wolverine1997]

I'm not doing this so much for her as I am because it needs to be done. Also, since this was typically "her thing", but she won't do it, I want her to see that I am moving on with or without her. I am going to see that things get done even if she continues to refuse to do her part. I have not only taken over many of the household duties but also, kid's clothes shopping(still having a hard time shopping with/for daughter but doing it), school functions and other duties that she used to mainly take care of. I want to continue to prosper whether she decides to be a part of it or not.

[wolverine1997]

A week and a half to go until the kids and I go to NY. I can't wait. Wife seems aloof and unconcerned. I'm thinking about asking her for some money to offset kids expenses. I know this will be an issue for her. But so what. I shouldn't have to foot all the bills for everything.

[wolverine1997]

Mother-in-law came to pick up kids today to take them to movies. I didn't know anything about it so I called wife at work to ask her if they would be with grandparents all day or will I have to pick them up later. She was short and rude as usual.

Since the kids were gone I decided to go to work for a few hours. Called her after leaving work to see if she was going to pick up kids or should I. Short and rude again. Came home and went to gym to workout. Really wish I could get wife to just open up and talk.

[wolverine1997]

Told wife that I needed her to help pay bills again. She got irritated and said, "I know, you tell me that every two weeks". But she has yet to pay or give me money so that I can pay. Since she wants to be totally independant from me I think it only fair that she carry her fair share of the load.

She uses all of her money on her and the kids while I take care of all of the household expenses. She no doubt feels that way because I make probably 5 times as much as she does each year. But hey, she is the one who made these choices not me. She is the one who wants freedom and independence, not me.

I am trying to be diplomatic about it. But eventually I am going to take a harder line and make her pay a larger portion of the bills. Right now she is just another dependent for me to take care of.

[wolverine1997]

I really need help. I think that this is it. My wife and I had a HUGE fight this time. I went to work today for a few hours to work on a project. I was only gone for a few hours. I came home in enough time so that the kids and I could go to our religious services which are very important to me. When I got home I found that my wife and kids were gone. I called her on the cell to see when she would have them home. She said that she didn't know that I was coming home early from work to go to my services. I told her that I only went in for a few hours and had told her about it yesterday. She said that I did not tell her and that she was shopping with them at the mall and had no plans of bringing them back anytime soon.

I said that I would come and get them. I didn't have enough time to go and get them so I went to services alone. Afterwards I came home. Wife and kids got home shortly after me. When she got home she went off. She began to call me names and rant and rave. She said that I was a religious zealot and that those are her kids also and that I will not always get them when I want them. She said that I never told her about going to work or leaving early once I got there and that it was crazy for me to consider driving 35 miles to get them. She called me a few other insulting names and then said that this is exactly why she is divorcing me and that she would be calling a lawyer tomorrow. She went on to mention how I was such a terrible person and that she couldn't wait to leave.

I went down the wrong road and tried to calm her down while also trying to dissuade the divorce. I told her that what happened today was just a misunderstanding on both of our parts. I thought that I told her that I was going to work for a few hours and I thought that she heard me. She accused me of lying and then began rambling on 20 different topics of how I was terrible. I began to pursue, which I know I should not have. She blew me out of the water and said that her mind was made up. I tried to reason with her to no avail. I think that she is really going to start the process. I know that she has no money but she is determined.

She then went on to state how she could rip me apart in court and get whatever she wanted. How since she works for a law firm that I don't have a chance. She was viciously angry. She then told me how she and her cousins, who were with her, thought that I was crazy with my behaviour. This might be my last post. I she follows through then what is the point of continuing on?

[wolverine1997]

Maybe at this point I should try going dark. Not speak to her or acknowledge her at all. This will be pretty hard to do since we still live in the same house. I really don't know what to do. I'm thinking about going to mc alone. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[mermaid]

Wolverine

You will need this board more then ever if she follows through. This bb is a great place for support. The craziness will not end with a d. It is not too late to db. Everybody has set backs. Just get back on that horse and keep going. You need to let it go and work on yourself and protect your children. Having to db in the same house is difficult but you have to do it if you want to save your m. Did you read DR? If not pick up a copy. Follow some of the db suggestions. First get yourself healthy and keep your children safe. You cannot do anything for your w. Go to mc if it will help or go to ic. Do things for yourself. Your w has a lot of issues of her own to work out.