You need to be prepared for him to beg and plead and cry and make promises and lie his ass off to get you back or get you to stay.
Actually, I think it will be more likely that he will help me out the door. He'll be mad and upset, and he's not prone to begging- he has too much pride. I'm nervous about being proved right on that one...
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Has he ever voiced any concern or empathy for your feelings ever?
No, he usually explains to me why I'm wrong to feel like I do. After a while, I just stopped telling him anything- whether it's my feelings or just what's going on with me.
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You so much want to hear those words of love and affirmation
The last time he said ILY was this past winter after I came home from a swing experience. (He encouraged me to go out on solo dates besides joint activities.) I was feeling poorly about it when I got home and it really showed on my face. He said ILY several times in a row after reminding me that going out with these guys was good for my confidence and self-esteem, because of the attention and flattery. In reality I felt like a hooker who was too stupid to charge. (Side note- I also don't understand how he can want to ML after I've been out with someone else- it actually makes him quite excited. One more thing that is just wrong...) That date was the breaking point for me and I quit swinging. Couldn't take it anymore, it played havoc with my emotions. Told H he could do what he wanted, just leave me out of it. , didn't see why he should suffer because on account of me. I don't think he has lately, he would have told me if he was.
Around the same time I was surfing a swingers forum trying to gain some insight into H's thought process. I saw several times over in those posts that these couples were not about to do anything that would jeopardize their relationship- if one wanted to stop swinging, they would stop, no questions asked. Their marriages were more important than the swinging. I tried talking to H about it this past spring. He was not about to say that our marriage was the most important thing to him- sexual variety was crucial for him too. That was a big blow to my heart. He topped it off by saying he could say whatever I want, i.e. that he'll agree to stop, but he'll reach a point where he "couldn't take it anymore and would have to do something about it." That also shook me up. When I reminded him of that comment a couple weeks ago, he claimed that was just a possibility, not a definite. (Gee, thanks...)
Thank you to everyone for their concerns- it has meant a lot to me.
