I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

But is that the kind of person you want to be?

No. So I sent the girl who texted me his email.
That way, I don't have to contact him myself.

Sometimes, I feel like I never want to speak to him ever again and just do the same thing he's doing to me, just shut him out for good, block his emails, change my number, move away to somewhere he will never find me, because I'm so angry at him and for the way he's treating me. But I know that's running away from everything. But then again, I feel like..am I running away? Who am I running away from? Certainly not him, he's not even there anymore to run away from.

I don't know, I'm so confused. It feels like a million years of torture and I don't want to feel anymore of it and sometimes I just want to run away to somewhere no one will ever find me. I can't imagine months and months of this. I know he doesn't love me anymore, it becomes clearer and clearer everyday and I wonder why I continue to try. It just seems hopeless now.

Maybe when I stop trying, things will turn around. That always seems to be the way. I should just stop trying, but instead try to make myself feel better. Stop caring everytime anything about him comes up, stop caring about who he adds on MS and FB, girls, girls and more girls, stop caring about his work, stop caring about his living situation, stop caring about whether he loves me, stop caring about whether he will ever contact me, just stop caring about anything that has to do with him. Just care about me instead.

Sorry if I seem so negative, I just finished crying.