Tit-for-tat and vengeful scorekeeping is no way to run any kind of relationship. Lead by example.
It's not that I want to be vengeful at all. I just feel like, if he really cared about it, he would contact me and ask me to let him know if anyone called him. The last time someone called for him about an urgent message and I told him, he didnt even reply to say thank you. He just ignored me. So I feel like I'm just being an idiot if I send him another email about another urgent message.
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
It's hard to say beep. It hurts, but I think that you are in for months or this, maybe more. The good side is that you can choose your time scale, and he can't control that.
But rather than worry about that, take care of yourself, one day at a time, for now. Let the bigger picture wait. It's not going anywhere.
Why should I help him make money, he doesn't even send me money to pay for OUR bills! I want to believe that he cares about me, but at this point, it doesn't seem like it at all.
Well, he doesn't treat you very well. But is that the kind of person you want to be? If the situation was reversed and he had the info on a great job opportunity for you, wouldn't you hope he would forward that to you? I just always think it's better to do the right thing. And forwarding it (with no message or note from you) takes like 2 seconds?
No. So I sent the girl who texted me his email. That way, I don't have to contact him myself.
Sometimes, I feel like I never want to speak to him ever again and just do the same thing he's doing to me, just shut him out for good, block his emails, change my number, move away to somewhere he will never find me, because I'm so angry at him and for the way he's treating me. But I know that's running away from everything. But then again, I feel like..am I running away? Who am I running away from? Certainly not him, he's not even there anymore to run away from.
I don't know, I'm so confused. It feels like a million years of torture and I don't want to feel anymore of it and sometimes I just want to run away to somewhere no one will ever find me. I can't imagine months and months of this. I know he doesn't love me anymore, it becomes clearer and clearer everyday and I wonder why I continue to try. It just seems hopeless now.
Maybe when I stop trying, things will turn around. That always seems to be the way. I should just stop trying, but instead try to make myself feel better. Stop caring everytime anything about him comes up, stop caring about who he adds on MS and FB, girls, girls and more girls, stop caring about his work, stop caring about his living situation, stop caring about whether he loves me, stop caring about whether he will ever contact me, just stop caring about anything that has to do with him. Just care about me instead.
Sorry if I seem so negative, I just finished crying.
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
Maybe when I stop trying, things will turn around. That always seems to be the way. I should just stop trying, but instead try to make myself feel better. Stop caring everytime anything about him comes up, stop caring about who he adds on MS and FB, girls, girls and more girls, stop caring about his work, stop caring about his living situation, stop caring about whether he loves me, stop caring about whether he will ever contact me, just stop caring about anything that has to do with him. Just care about me instead.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stop focusing on him. You can't control him, and you don't want to!
But then again, I feel like..am I running away? Who am I running away from?
Yes, I think you are trying to run away from who you are and from your circumstances. It seems like you've been self-destructive for awhile, with the weight gain, lashing out, etc.
It seems like you're starting to realize that there's nowhere to go to get away from you. So start being the "you" you want to be. The "you" that you will love and cherish and take care of.
Start now.
And for heaven's sake, stay away from his FB and MS. Unless you're a true masochist!
And for heaven's sake, stay away from his FB and MS. Unless you're a true masochist
God no! But from my behavior, it does seem like I am huh? But I'm not, I'm staying away. It's really hard because I feel like its the only connection I have with him, no matter how crazy that sounds. But I've done better, I used to look a lot and I've reduced the frequency drastically recently. I'm trying to quit cold turkey but its so freakin' hard!! But I know it's self destructive and I need to stop, NOW.
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
Oh this is so hard. My little 3 year old niece is over right now and she wants to know where her beloved Uncle D is I didn't know what to say to her so I told her that he went home. And she said "Without you???" and I said yeah. And then she asked when he was coming back and I said I don't think he is and then she had this horrified look on her face and said she really missed him and then proceeded to name everyone else who missed him. I told her I missed him too and she walked away with the saddest look on her face. Oh it was heartbreaking.. so so heartbreaking..
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
Oh this is so hard. My little 3 year old niece is over right now and she wants to know where her beloved Uncle D is I didn't know what to say to her so I told her that he went home. And she said "Without you???" and I said yeah. And then she asked when he was coming back and I said I don't think he is and then she had this horrified look on her face and said she really missed him and then proceeded to name everyone else who missed him. I told her I missed him too and she walked away with the saddest look on her face. Oh it was heartbreaking.. so so heartbreaking..
I'm sure this was sad. It's worse when it's your son/daughter and it's their dad. I'm sorry, but count your blessings. You're so young -- get on with your life.
