To clarify my warning about not making this all about YOUR satisfaction when you gently push and pull back, push and pull back. If you don't push gently, reading the right time and way to approach your H, it could appear that you are hammering away with "I want, I want, I want..." I said long ago that I was afraid that I was like Veruca Salt: I WANT IT NOW! I didn't want to appear as a spoiled brat who was only concerned about getting her own desires taken care of. I wanted to approach OUR intimacy from a higher perspective. I wanted both of us to share our own levels of desire and express intimacy with each other that met each of our specific fantasies. I didn't just want to focus on what I wanted and how I was going to get it. And, I knew if it appeared that way to my H, it certainly wouldn't be a turn on for him. It would put the kind of pressure on him that snuffs out intimacy rather than using a perspective and open mind that inspires intimacy. I hope that helps -- I didn't mean for that point to make you feel stifled in taking action.
Personally, I love Jayce's idea. Typically, in a recovering SSM, both partners have to push themselves outside of their comfort zone in trying new approaches, new ways to initiate, new ways to respond. What's important is that YOU like Jayce's idea and that you want to give it a try. If you're not comfortable or not excited about it, it won't work for either of you. You will likely try all sorts of approaches, and you will notice what works and what doesn't in your particular marriage.
What books are you reading, and in what priority? I think that SSM and Passionate Marriage are going to resonate for you (and for your H if you get to the point of telling him about the books and possibly asking him if he would read some of it.)
A couple of things you can try to do is infuse more passion and affection throughout your days. Send your H sexy texts (as DQ describes) once in a while to let him know how he turns you on. Another idea from Schnarch and DQ: You can initiate more passionate kissing sessions in your day-to-day lives. You can strengthen your connection just through eye contact and passionate kisses... and it wouldn't hurt if it led to more. But, it is also great if it is just left at that. Passion doesn't always have to lead to sex. For your LD partner, it will probably give him less pressure to have more passionate encounters that don't lead to sex at first. Less pressure will increase the odds that he'll be able to get in tune with his desire, and then hopefully come forward without prompting.
Don't give up. Even a small amount of progress within yourself and/or within your marriage will be priceless.
