he was back, i think

[smith18]

I somehow get the feeling that if you do find out she is pregnant that will be the deal breaker for you.

And if it is a deal breaker, you will still need to come to terms that your son will have a half sibling.

Somewhat unrelated story... When my wife gave birth via C section to our 2nd (daughter), she had her tubes tied at the same time (the factory was closed). She then insisted that I have myself fixed also. I went to see my doctor and told him that she wanted me fixed so that if we ever got divorced that I could never father another child. My doctor told me that my wife was very selfish and that he refused to let me have the operation. What a relief for me!

[mdoodles]

the consensus is that the likelihood of her being pregnant right now is slim to none...she lied to me in november about it, telling me she is pregnant with his child and that he is living with her to take care of her blah blah blah. she lied. so most likely she is lying now too. most likely she has been trying to get pregnant for almost 3 years....

im not ruling it out but based on her history or lies and conniving manipulating behavior, this is another one of her stories, in addition to her latest actions of spoofing me to call h and spoofing me to call her...she went as far as to tell him last week, while he was with me, that i called her and she heard my son in the background. she is a liar...

[smith18]

One thing my counselor asked me to do during my marriage crisis was to come up with a definitive timeline of how long I would continue waiting for my W to pull her head out of her ass. The counselor had seen some cases where people had waited years only to have the marriage ultimately fail. It helped for me to have an end date in my mind so that I knew that I was not going to have the uncertainty last indefinitely.

[mdoodles]

with me, i had a deadline of my birthday( which was in june) and/or when our home sold...i set that deadline early in january/feb....but he came back end of march/beginning of april so that kinda set me back alittle because i had him. had him home and we opened the business.

and i told myself i was done around memorial day but i always fall back and so does he. right now im moving forward in terms of packing, selling and moving in the next few weeks and im doing it all without him.

but i still hold out hope he will return and return to the person he once was.

and i dont think i will ever give that up, if i havent yet...

[lost-n-Iowa]

MD, it is so hard to give up the hope and the dreams that a person has. When anyone gets into a relationship, they have dreams and goals. No One expects those dreams to stop one day. It's okay to still have those dreams and hopes. Sometimes they allow us to get through the day and the long nights.

I think that you have been moving forward at your own pace and you are doing a good job of detaching like everyone was telling you to do along time ago. You have just done it at your own pace.

I agree about the fact that she is probably trying to get pregnant so that she can keep her little claws in your H. What better way to keep him in her life and probably stay in the country than to get pregnant?? I hope and pray that she is not and that she is lying to him and you about it.

Keep going, girl, you are doing great.

(Just a note...I am going on vacation for 5 days, so I will catch up with you when I get back. Hope I get to read good news whenI return!!)

[smith18]

with me, i had a deadline of my birthday( which was in june)

My bd is in June also - on the 11th. Found out that John210 over in separated has the same birthday as myself and we are now considered long lost brothers (along with Joe Montana).

I kept setting my deadline back each time too. It is hard to not give up hope, but once you do, it is fairly easy to move forward.

[mdoodles]

u are so nice lost in iowa! i hope u have a good vacation...im doing the best that i can, the longer u hold on, the harder it is to let go...and even when i think i let go, im still holding on...but right now, i am moving forward regardless.

[bluerain]

Doodles, I dont think that you need to give up hope. You need to change the focus of your hope. You need to start being hopeful for YOUR future.

Things will get better, and you and your son are going to recover from this, youve already started your healing, even though it hurts like hell right now.

Your H on the other hand, wont have such an easy time. Shame is a heck of a thing to overcome, and soon he will realize that. He will spend a long, long time getting over what hes done.

[mdoodles]

thanks bluerain u are right...

spoke to my lawyer yesterday to follow up on the stipulation that was sent to my h regarding retsraining our 401k. he has not signed it yet nor has his lawyer responded in any way.

ya know, if he wanted a legal separation/divorce so badly, one would think his lawyer would be in constant contact with mine and/or he would be pushing me.

i decided that if they do not sign the stipulation, i am moving it to supreme court to have the asset frozen and i will make the motion for child support there as well.

my lawyer said that doesnt mean i have to go forward with the divorce, that i can contest it plenty if i choose, which i intend to do.

im not interested in changing my marital status right now, just interested in protecting my money and getting my support.

in the meantime, i have the address for psycho ow and i assume he lives there. i may provide that address to child support bureau to have him served with the petition for support.

i guess these steps show my progress and the moving forward.

[kat727]

No one is going to look after you better than you. You are doing the right thing. Chin up hon.

kat