I just thought today that it could be the smallest little shift in something-anything-that could get my H back to a more rational place. I can`t go find that thing for him though.Just be here when he comes back. If I last that long!
Moving that monkey could be a big help to you both.
Thanks for the check ups! I am doing well. Had a busy week GALing, exceeded my goals for going out/ having people, so over etc, so that has been great, and fun.
Toddlers have been very high maintenance this week too, beautiful buttons, but constantly having to fish them out of the fish pond, untangle them and their bikes from the middle of the rose garden, or grab the fork out of their hand as they poke it in the power socket. And that was just Monday! Makes it hard to both keep my thoughts together and have the space to post here sometimes. They have caught the lastest cold again, so up a lot at night with them right now too.
H is back at work, went back a couple of days early but had a course on and didn't want to go. I only get 5min conversations each night mostly about the kids so minimal contact for one week. That seems to be my thinking and processing time, still looking to see where my thoughts take me. I am trying to strip back assumptions I have previously made about him and us, I am twisting everywhere right now, and sort of helping with the letting go, peeling back things to let go.
I wanted to reply to Fallgirl, you did great girl, but still gathering my thoughts to get back to you, words still forming!
Hi MB, well done on the demonstrations, setting up software at a clients is always real fun! Yeah, felt some anger for 24 hours, couldn't find a valid reason for it upon reflection, except dwelling on some of the uncool things said many months ago. I realised H was in a much better place now, I should be pleased with that progress. Except I need zero expectations...round we go!
So back to counting my blessing now and living the best can I each day. Thats cool.
Where ya at? Are you GAL'ing so much you can't check in!? LOL
I got a kick out of your comments re: the toddlers. Last night at my son's soccer training, one of the parents had their two younger daughter's (4 and 2) w/them. The mom was running around like a freak, following them, picking them up, waving when she was 10 feet away so the younger one would stop crying because they weren't touching... Funny!! I thought, "Wow! Glad we're past that stage!" But, then I thought of my D18, and talked myself out of that nonsense! I'd love the scuffle again.
Any news from the H while he's out of town, or still thinking and processing?
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
ok, so spent most of the week galing, I have been accepting all invites, especially evening ones that are toddler friendly AND involve wine (with a non drinker on call to act as a taxi if needed). Got two such invites last week, going well! Beautiful weather here, so have upped outdoors activity significantly also (limit tv and computer time for all was another aim). One quick trip to emergency departmant at local hospital (toddler/wall incident, confirming all ok, it was!).
Found a great job, if kids were not so little. Spent couple days looking into it, as they only come along every year or so around here, but too much overtime, would need a nanny full time with kids at the moment and dont want to go down that path right now. Still, putting out the feelers there, making a few moves, that felt good.
Also thought I should focus this week on detaching and zero expectations, so got together my little mantras to help with that headspace again. Kind of worked pretty well, then day before H was due to return got a couple of calls from him (first time more than one call for a few months), message to call back and chat if I wanted, pre crisis H decided to peak out from behind his wall for a moment. SIL starts commenting on how H seems like he hasn't for ages same day, and next day when H returns, walks in the door as pre crisis H. Having just spent the week in full detachment mode, and of course playing things cool like this was to be expected, my head started to feel a little like a bowl of spagetti, but focussed on the moment and spent a great 24 hours kicking around home. Very minor future talk as working in the garden, such as these plants would survive long term there, but we have avoided such topics for a long time, so it was a safe area to start to dip toe in.
Pre crisis H got quite tired at coming to visit so after two days is withdrawing again, to be expected. Last big withdrawal lasted just under three weeks. If things ARE moving in the right direction, and if H is in MCL, he would be moving through the Withdrawal stage, and withdrawals should be getting shorter on average over time. Something to monitor anyway.
ok, so am going well still, but head is not sure which way is up or down! Just keep focusing on what I am doing, and expect rest of the week to see withdrawal continue. Will continue doing what I have been, and at the end of the week go back to the zero expectations mantras. For the first time it seems as if the wall may not be insurmountable, which seems like a very dangerous thing for me to think and one that could set me up for a big fall. Keep living in the moment
Sorry about the job. I feel your pain. I really just went back to work a few years ago since S9 was born. It's hard to think of leaving them when they're so little, but it sure is nice to feel productive (in a different way!).
Wish you were local so we could WINE together!!
And, so the cycle continues... What's up w/H? Does he travel for work? That's why he's in and out so much? I don't think I remember you being separated...
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Storm I love that you are so scientific and logical in your reasoning through the whole thing! I`ve forgotton what stage my H is at-probably the Complete AH stage from which there is no recovery-but I admire you for being able to DB AND watch for progress(even when there is no!) at the same time. I`m ok about focusing on my stuff when I get to anaylse the effects of my DBing on H I begin to despair!
Happy for you that you`re getting a social life! Having small kids is such a difficult place to be. You need adult company especially with the other significant adult in your life is otherwised occupied!
Yeah, hard to find PC time too in all of this. But I`ll keep checking up on you as I`ve always felt you`re playing this game so well and are one to watch!
FG: Ha! AH Stage. I have one of those, too, some days.
Storm: Hi again! Keep on! My S9 took out my rose bush w/a RipStick yesterday! Thought of you! I would have given him the business, but when he came to tell me he needed a shovel to "put it back in the ground, Mommy," I looked up, and he had one lone pink petal stuck in his nose! Ha! How do you yell at someone w/a rose petal stuck in their nose?
Also, where did you get all of this MLC Stages business. Hopefully, my H is about to EXIT STAGE LEFT and be done soon!!! I sure am!
I think WHEN he comes to his senses, I'll really piss him off. I'll go out and buy that little red convertible I've always wanted! JUST CUZ!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
