Wasting Away Again In Batchittcrazyville...

[Sam1007]

Mike,

Thanks for the quick update! Thought I'd bring it over here, since you suggested that.

Sam-straight up and to the point...at 9 months...you should be detached IMO...I personally think it's easier for a man to detach anyway..women being emotional...IMO have a harder time detaching..

It's good that you have been doing things to improve yourself..you should be moving forward with your life..you should be showing her you are ok no matter what happens..

I have been feeling detached over the past 6 months: I don't mind not hearing from her for days, think about her and the sitch less and less (it seems to come and go in waves... like today I'm thinking about it...) She had told me before she moved out that she thought I was afraid to be alone or to have to date again. Well, when she asked: "You should have a loving wife and having sex.. Don't you miss that?" I told her that I am not afraid to move on, start dating or be alone for a while, but that I thought I owed it to the boys to try every little single thing that could work.

Last week she tells me that I never come to her town to try and connect with her "friends" (after this weekend, I have no desire to connect with them at all, see my thread for that story), rarely came over to check on her shop, etc... so it doesn't seem like I want to work on the M either.

so does she often use guilt as a weapon?? My ex learned this behavior from her mother..they were both extremely good at it..

Not really... I think this was more like a knee-jerk reaction to me saying that I didn't think we did any actual work on the M.

- I have lost a significant amount of weight, work out a lot and look pretty good even if I say so myself >>>>>
W has noticed and tells me (6 months ago, 3 months ago and last week) that it's awesome to see me like this. Her words 3 months ago and last week: "You are running, looking great and probably ready to date..." In other words, I will be a great catch for my next partner... Last week again: "You should have a loving wife and having sex! Don't you miss that?"

good for you...it sounds like your W does not know what she wants..if she really wanted you to move on she would file...correct?? unless she is like my ex..mine was batchittcrazy..almost sounds like you want her to do the deed for her..

Do you mean "she wants ME to do the deed for HER"? If so, that is what I was thinking too. She just can't seem to make ANY decision!

- I have worked on the things she brought forward as being wrong with me (being difficult about letting her go out by herself when the kids were young, I didn't go out by myself either btw; me needing to start my hobbies again, make myself happy). I agreed with all of these and took responsability for those contributing to our problems. Other "problems" with me she brought forward I did not agree with, but they have disappeared, and when reminded, she says she doesn't even remember telling me those. I have not pointed any of these changes out ever to her. >>>>>
She has noticed and acknowledged (3months ago and last week) that I am not like that anymore (unprompted, by herself), but says in the same sentence that if she were to move back in, it would just all turn back to the way it was before (to crap). Her words: "I would ruin you". She even used the term "180": Her words: "You have done a complete 180 on me." Freaky isn't it?

it's good that you have acknowledged your part in this and she has agreed about your part..has she ever acknowledged her part in it??

also IMO..if they start using terms that are used here..then they have either been here or they have read the book

Well, the 180 was the only one. First time she mentioned it was her email in Feb and she said she was wondering if I was putting on a show only when she was around, so she asked a mutual friend who told her that it wasn't a show, that's how I am now.

During the whole S time, she's been depressed. She's holding a happy face to all her friends, but I get to see and hear the depressing thoughts when she comes to talk to me. At times, it's been so severe that I am sincerely worried about her health and well-being.

ahhh depressed..yep..that speaks volumes..unless she gets help for that then that's tough..

Well, can't say anything there, because I am "controlling" apparently.

So, what's left to try?

that's my point..this place is not about saving your marriage..this place is about saving yourself..with the hope that your WAS wakes up before you decide to throw in the towel..all the Noobs are looking for a magic bullet..they all want to know what they can try

My point is that I have done all I can to save myself, and I believe I have. I have done the work. I have become a better person with more knowledge about R than I ever thought I would know. I was never looking for a magic bullet, I knew it was going to be a long road. My next R/M will be so much better than this past one. But, for the boys' sake, I still hope it could be with W. However, I do have to admit that it's becoming harder and harder to think lovingly about her.

my advice..how about trying to be what you were when you guys first met?? be a happy positive person..

I believe that's what I am right now. And I think W has noticed, but still comes to the wrong conclusion.

Sorry about the long post about ME on YOUR thread! I appreciate your thoughts and feel free to move it my thread if you want!