Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[antlers]

Hi Antlers-

Wow, that's a pretty brutal message for her to send. She's still working through her anger.

You're doing great, and you've obviously gone through a serious change of attitude regarding your W, your M, and life in general. I do wonder though if you do eventually get on better ground with your W, will you slide back somewhat? Your W will be looking for that old behavior with a microscope! There must have been reasons inside yourself as to why you acted like you did, and although you now see how destructive it was, has it truly been erradicated from you? You've consistently said she's right to be angry at you, and you've never claimed she is rewriting history. I guess what I'm asking is whether you've considered IC to dig deep into why you acted like you did. I'd hate for you to go through all this, manage to get your W to give you another chance, just to be sabotaged by some old demons inside yourself. It probably wouldn't take much at all to scare her away again, probably for good. Just a thought.

I spent considerable time in IC back a few years ago, and it really helped me to shed a lot of worthless baggage from my past that was preventing me from being the person I wanted to be. Unfortunately, it was too late to stop my W from going down the path she was on...

I've been going to counseling for months. It's helped. The reasons I acted like I did were due to insecurities that I had, that had nothing to do with her. Feelings of being inadequate, unloveable, and powerless. They make you angry, and unfortunately, I vented those feelings at my wife in the form of anger, resentment, and abuse (verbal and emotional). Yeah, it's been truly erradicated. But it's something that I'm gonna continue to work on as long as I live. I understand so much more now, and I know so much more now.

I've learned that all forms of abuse have in common a failure of compassion. Anger, resentment, and abuse (emotional and verbal in my case)are failures of compassion. So, I've been working a lot, and I mean putting forth a real effort, towards being a compassionate man. I've learned that compassion is the lifeblood of families, and failure of compassion is the 'heart disease' of a family's emotional life.

If I get another chance with her, I now know how to develop a loving relationship. Whether or not I get that chance...I'm still a better man, a better father, and a better partner than ever.


How ya' doin', man?