An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive.
"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
"Not a chance," says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
"No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on."
A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.
"Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor."
"What happened?' asks the doctor.
"Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible."
"What was terrible?" said the doctor, "was the sex not good?"
"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again."
My next comment was going to be seek male advice on how to deal with it!
male or female it makes no difference...
there is no plan, there is no magic bullet...
the chances of success with a WAS are about the same as winning the lottery...
your best bet...keep your mouth closed, your eyes open, look freakin hot, be mysterious...and stop attempting to make them hear what a mistake they are making and show them instead..
if you are thinking of doing or saying something then the best thing you can do is "get a life" because if you do, "do or say something" and they are not ready to "hear" you then that will cause a backslide..and backslide after backslide leads to an avalanche called divorce..
"keep your mouth closed, your eyes open, look freakin hot, be mysterious...and stop attempting to make them hear what a mistake they are making and show them instead.."
Gotta say, I just love it! Straight from the hip and sums all the DB stuff up for me.
Still SR-my fellow noob-also gave me the mantra of "Shut the F Up" so some noobs are quick on the uptake too!
Off to buy myself a few lottery tickets. After I make myself look even freakin` hotter of course!
your best bet...keep your mouth closed, your eyes open, look freakin hot, be mysterious...and stop attempting to make them hear what a mistake they are making and show them instead..
Great advice. Also, we DAM's are VISUALLY stimulated, so the looking hot thing is a big deal for us - yeah, I know, big mystery there.
You be the bait and see if he bites. And, don't worry if he doesn't.
OK, MB, forgive the hijack for a minute, but I have a question for Mike (Mike, feel free to respond in my thread, I am posting this there too for others, but I wanted to catch Mike) :
I fully agree with what you are saying, the DB principles, and have been doing what you are saying for the past 9 months, and here's the result:
- I have been GAL and stopped "hanging out" with W, pursuing her, starting R talk, calling or texting all the time (only relating to kids logistics or if she initiates)>>>>> Last week she tells me that I never come to her town to try and connect with her "friends" (after this weekend, I have no desire to connect with them at all, see my thread for that story), rarely came over to check on her shop, etc... so it doesn't seem like I want to work on the M either.
- I have lost a significant amount of weight, work out a lot and look pretty good even if I say so myself >>>>> W has noticed and tells me (6 months ago, 3 months ago and last week) that it's awesome to see me like this. Her words 3 months ago and last week: "You are running, looking great and probably ready to date..." In other words, I will be a great catch for my next partner... Last week again: "You should have a loving wife and having sex! Don't you miss that?"
- I have worked on the things she brought forward as being wrong with me (being difficult about letting her go out by herself when the kids were young, I didn't go out by myself either btw; me needing to start my hobbies again, make myself happy). I agreed with all of these and took responsability for those contributing to our problems. Other "problems" with me she brought forward I did not agree with, but they have disappeared, and when reminded, she says she doesn't even remember telling me those. I have not pointed any of these changes out ever to her. >>>>> She has noticed and acknowledged (3months ago and last week) that I am not like that anymore (unprompted, by herself), but says in the same sentence that if she were to move back in, it would just all turn back to the way it was before (to crap). Her words: "I would ruin you". She even used the term "180": Her words: "You have done a complete 180 on me." Freaky isn't it?
During the whole S time, she's been depressed. She's holding a happy face to all her friends, but I get to see and hear the depressing thoughts when she comes to talk to me. At times, it's been so severe that I am sincerely worried about her health and well-being. So, what's left to try?
Sam-straight up and to the point...at 9 months...you should be detached IMO...I personally think it's easier for a man to detach anyway..women being emotional...IMO have a harder time detaching..
It's good that you have been doing things to improve yourself..you should be moving forward with your life..you should be showing her you are ok no matter what happens..
Quote:
Last week she tells me that I never come to her town to try and connect with her "friends" (after this weekend, I have no desire to connect with them at all, see my thread for that story), rarely came over to check on her shop, etc... so it doesn't seem like I want to work on the M either.
so does she often use guilt as a weapon?? My ex learned this behavior from her mother..they were both extremely good at it..
Quote:
- I have lost a significant amount of weight, work out a lot and look pretty good even if I say so myself >>>>> W has noticed and tells me (6 months ago, 3 months ago and last week) that it's awesome to see me like this. Her words 3 months ago and last week: "You are running, looking great and probably ready to date..." In other words, I will be a great catch for my next partner... Last week again: "You should have a loving wife and having sex! Don't you miss that?"
good for you...it sounds like your W does not know what she wants..if she really wanted you to move on she would file...correct?? unless she is like my ex..mine was batchittcrazy..almost sounds like you want her to do the deed for her..
Quote:
- I have worked on the things she brought forward as being wrong with me (being difficult about letting her go out by herself when the kids were young, I didn't go out by myself either btw; me needing to start my hobbies again, make myself happy). I agreed with all of these and took responsability for those contributing to our problems. Other "problems" with me she brought forward I did not agree with, but they have disappeared, and when reminded, she says she doesn't even remember telling me those. I have not pointed any of these changes out ever to her. >>>>> She has noticed and acknowledged (3months ago and last week) that I am not like that anymore (unprompted, by herself), but says in the same sentence that if she were to move back in, it would just all turn back to the way it was before (to crap). Her words: "I would ruin you". She even used the term "180": Her words: "You have done a complete 180 on me." Freaky isn't it?
it's good that you have acknowledged your part in this and she has agreed about your part..has she ever acknowledged her part in it??
also IMO..if they start using terms that are used here..then they have either been here or they have read the book
Quote:
During the whole S time, she's been depressed. She's holding a happy face to all her friends, but I get to see and hear the depressing thoughts when she comes to talk to me. At times, it's been so severe that I am sincerely worried about her health and well-being.
ahhh depressed..yep..that speaks volumes..unless she gets help for that then that's tough..
Quote:
So, what's left to try?
that's my point..this place is not about saving your marriage..this place is about saving yourself..with the hope that your WAS wakes up before you decide to throw in the towel..all the Noobs are looking for a magic bullet..they all want to know what they can try
my advice..how about trying to be what you were when you guys first met?? be a happy positive person..
you can come over to my thread if you want..
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 07/29/0904:53 PM.
Hey, what's everybody doing in here while I'm off workin'?!?!?
Hi Storm, FallGirl, Sam, Tomato, Steve, GIMA....!!! And, Mike, thanks for stepping in and AGAIN reminding ME to stop thinking about doing something (although Steve's suggestion is tempting!)!
I see that I'm evolving in that, at least, when I'm getting a bit down, I come here, instead of call/txt/email H about this stuff. It's still so hard to not have a pity party every once in awhile.
Sooooooooo, the diet's going well! Down 4 lbs since Sunday night! H will be home tonight for awhile (from working out of town) And, I look hot today! (New light pink slightly mini dress, tan, blonde locks a flowin'! Sure beats the pink fuzzy crocs, pig tails and baseball hat, huh, Mike? LOL) I am attempting a new recipe (pulled pork) for dinner, and it's in the crock pot now. (H and S9 LOVE pulled pork sandwiches, and I've never made them.) I am in a good mood, from hangin' w/the girlfriends last night at the German restaurant's beer garden (FUN!) And, I'm closing some sales... And, have some appointments at some major BIG pharma contacts next week. Lastly, bought a new "little black dress" for this weekend. That's all good.
Off to do some more work, and figure out how I can slip H a mickey this weekend...
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
(Dialing one of my bff's whose also an internal medicine doc to get a sample of Viagara...) All this talk about grasshoppers and hoppin', etc... My oh my
How's things in Stormland? I'll be over in a minute!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
