Excited and dreading- I scheduled two places to look at tomorrow, and seeing my IC. It should be an interesting day. I talked to my parents and my cousin about the situation this weekend, cousin is totally behind me, parents not too sure what to think. (Says Mom at first, "It's probably just a phase or a MLC, things will be better in a few years." "I don't think so, Mom." They are backing me even if they don't quite get it) I started making a checklist of everything that needs to be done before I go- there's quite a bit to do.
Journaling again- Sometimes, something just seems kinda wrong with this whole moving out thing, and I'm not sure what it is. Things are relatively quiet and normal at the moment, and it gets easy for me to put the whole situation out of my mind- I've gotten qite good at that over the years. Take that back- I do know what it is. The illusion of a normal marriage kicks in and feels real. It's not like we're having daily battles about the issues, it's more like monthly. I do know that I have to break this status quo, it's not acceptable anymore, never was. It's just easier to plow forward with it when the pain is fresh.
I do realize, however, even when it's quiet, that the situation has not gone away- he is checking the swinger profiles daily, and forwarded to me a couple of emails that were received this week. (Sorry, not interested in the proposed foursome or the guy from downstate...) It seems like he's in denial about how I feel about the swinging issue, like it's just on hold, and i will come back to it. I'm gonna have to be more forceful about that next time we talk. I don't want to push it now, it will just infuriate him. I'm waiting until I tell him that I'm leaving. (OK, yes, I'm a coward...)
