I went to the web site and read through it all. Some of it makes sense and other parts don't. I guess it's the part of me that can't detatch that does not understand.
I did like the poem in it and can possibly start there with some things.
Spy...So does that mean that you are going to be filing for divorce? I have already filed but everythign is on hold. I am hoping that things can change between my H and I am trying the DB techniques, reading other peoples threads, reading books and articles, and seriously trying to FOCUS on being a better me. Some days it works, others are not so great.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
"Letting Go" * To "let go" does not mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else. * To "let go" is not to cut myself off; it's the realization I can't control another. * To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. * To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. * To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another; it's to make the most of myself. * To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about. * To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive. * To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. * To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies. * To "let go" is not to be protective; it's to permit another to face reality. * To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept. * To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. * To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be. * To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it. * To "let go" is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. * To "let go" is to fear less and love myself more.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
I'm considering a D, but the goal right now is just to get some space from each other. See how that goes first, maybe he'll have an epiphany about what he could lose. I'm looking at two places tomorrow, and seeing my IC. Should make for an interesting day.
I am hoping that things can change between my H and I am trying the DB techniques, reading other peoples threads, reading books and articles, and seriously trying to FOCUS on being a better me. Some days it works, others are not so great.
Why do you think things will change with him? What are you thinking will happen that will cause him to stop abusing you and stop being addicted to pornography?
Besides "hoping" I mean? What realistically do you see as unfolding in the future with him?
I don't know what I think about the changes he may or may not make. I guess I keeping holding on to what I have seen about him in hte past. He was not like this for the first 4 years of our relationship so I keep hoping that I can get back the man that I know was there and maybe could be again.
Maybe my hoping is a complete long shot.
I want to do everything that I can to save the marriage so if it does rumble and we do get a divorce, then I can look back and know in my heart that I did it all.
Spy...hope that you getting a new place and putting space between you two will help.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
I am leaving to go on a vacation with my H for about 4 days. I think that it could be a make it or break it vacation.
I guess I will try it all on this vacation and see how it goes. I will not expect anything but to have a good time and hope for the best.
I will be back on when I return. Wish me luck.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
Well I am back. Wish I was still on vacation. I love where we go and would love to live there if I could.
The vacation went okay. We had a couple of downs but mostly ups and I ended up having lots of fun. I found out that my H did in fact lie to me about a few of the things that he said some of my friends had told him after I filed on him. I waited till we were within 10 of home and confronted him about it. He back peddled and really could not get himself out of it. I am disappointed to find out that he had lied to me so easily but at the same time relieved to know that my friends had not said those things.
I am still going to hang in there for a bit longer. See if things get better. I know that most of you on here have said that I need to get out but that doesn't seem possible right now. I am still wanting to try the DB tech. and MC to see what can happen there. I am still reading articles and books and of course posting on here.
Bunny, how are things going for you? Any news, good or bad?
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
I have updates on my thread. I'm trying to remind myself that it's the right thing to do, but I'm just not feeling great about it and trying to keep from crying.
Have heard little from my H since he left to go back to Mississippi. We have talked on the phone twice, for short periods of time and all was good there.
He did ask me before he left when the next MC appointment was. I told him on the 17th, he counted the days and said 'Good, I will be home for it this time.' I think he likes going to the MC. I keep hoping for good directions.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
