Hijack appreciated-esp as Letting Go seems to be a problem for me too. Though I`m hoping less so now-for another while anyway.Great reflection, by the way, Mach.
Cat, the snooping doesn`t bother me. It makes me laugh actually cos hes the one who was sending dirty texts to his OW when they were sprung by OW`s husband who, by his own account, is a master snooper. And anyway, I snooped on H big time after his A. Rooted through his pockets, car, anything I could lay my hands on I snooped through. And I swear, I`m not that type of a person normally. But hey, who`s normal in all of this?!
As for 'sometimes, its easier when he isn`t around at all`. I concur with that one Cat! Though I know H hates being around me right now too which is why I try to make home as pleasant as poss, don`t interfer with his relationship with kids,leave food so he can help himself and greet him with a "hi!" so he sees I`ve no apparent animosity.And I keep busy, keep moving thoug I don`t deliberately move out of his way if he enters a room for example. I don`t want to make it hard for him to come back-if he ever decides to come back. But mostly I don`t want me to enter the tension zone again if I can help that at all!But yeah, when he`s gone I`m pretty happy.
Ha! Did have a fleeting thought of leaving out signs that I`m having an A for him to find. But honestly I think what my H is afraid of finding is texts to ppl about him. Also hoping to find I`ve no texts therefore no friends. Oh and trying to see what my plans are for nites out etc.
Yeah, I do the 20 20 vision thing beginnersmind, though regret isn`t my thing. Just ready for when our sitch improves. I`ll know how to be if our M is back on/I`ll know how to be in another R too.
Thanks TIF, having a great day here. Brought the kids wall climbing(kinda appropriate for me!) something we hadn`t tried before. Had a pal over for coffee. Still painting son`s room!But having lots of fun with all of it.
Have to say though, DBing has got to be one of the toughest courses in the University of Life. Most days I wish I`d chosen a different module!
Have to say though, DBing has got to be one of the toughest courses in the University of Life. Most days I wish I`d chosen a different module!
Girl - when you are through this you'll have a PhD.
You are doing great, I love the way you apply the DB principles, reflect on them and your behaviours and analyse how it all fits together. I love your logical mind.
I do agree with Beginnersmind though - you are really hard on yourself - reflection is good, humility is an important lesson in this DB module but being a matyr doesn't help anyone.
You're on a roll (soon to be) Dr Fallgirl. Keep it up.
V (PhD!! ;))
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Funny though, I have come to think of this as my Life Crisis too! I`m making real changes for me. Doing more of what I want,I like. Being clearer about what`s really important to me in life.Being better at loving family and friends.
But grateful? Not yet! Just wish I knew how long this course would last!
Things are a lot calmer around here again, though. Phew! And,yes, I`m having LOTS of fun!
It seems after each crazy encounter, you are bouncing back quicker, stronger, and more focussed than before. Next time your H takes a decent look at you, I reckon he will see big big changes !!!
Funny though, I have come to think of this as my Life Crisis too! I`m making real changes for me. Doing more of what I want,I like. Being clearer about what`s really important to me in life.Being better at loving family and friends.
But grateful? Not yet! Just wish I knew how long this course would last!
Time FG.....Time
You will eventually be thankful....
I would NOT trade the experience of going through this for anything .....I WILL NOT do it again...
But I would not trade the lessons I have learned...
And, I would assume I could find the majority of people here feel or will feel the same....
And, because of that, I can tell you EXACTLY how long it will last.....
I to am grateful for all of this. It has been a learning experience of a lifetime. No, I won't do this again either because I'm doing it right this time (I hope, LOL).
And yes it will end when it ends.
Hey Mach, I don't always have to go on and on and on.....
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
So, when H is home, does he engage you in conversation at all? Or does he kind of just grump around the house? If so, I bet it gets him a little crazy to see you all groomed, smiling, busy... CONSIDERATE....
How is he w/the kids?
Reminds me of someone's sig... "Be the greener grass!"
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Yeah, he`s definitely Mr Grump! He`s inconsistent with the kids-mostly grumpy, sometimes all over them feigning interest. Does very little in terms of practicalities of dealing with them.
In fact I noticed yesterday after me and the kids returned home from another fun outing(!) they realised Dad was home. But they didn`t seek him out! He didn`t seek them out either....I`d love that to improve for all their sakes but yes, I know not to interfere with that.
Then on the snooping front I mentioned yesterday, I was watching a comedy with the kids and I got up to get my phone from another room and realised it was gone. I knew straight away of course, H had taken his chance. He came downstairs my phone in hand and I smiled-had to restrain myself from bursting right out laughing-and put my hand out for it.
He hacked into my PC account then last night. Hasn`t done that for a while. Obviously peeved and obviously looking for something. I ALWAYS delete temp internet files, history, cookies on exiting DBforum.Just don`t want him to see me on here. Don`t mind about anything else. Anyway,about all he saw last night was me looking up something about tantric sex.
