Just caught up, had a crazy day yesterday. I am truly sorry that you are feeling this way. But everyone else is right. You are hurt and angry right now. You were just hit with another bomb and are acting from a defensive standpoint. When you are angry, it is easy to feel done. When you calm and that anger passes, it isn't always as easy as you thought.
Years ago, when my H had his unfinished crisis, I did get to done. I can tell you, there is no anger, there is no frustration, no I'll show him thoughts. There is no erasing him from your life. Done feels calm, maybe a little sad, but with it comes well wishes for the others happiness, wishes for your own, a desire for you both to have the best R with each other and your children as you can, and a sense of peace that everything will be ok. And gratefulness for what you shared. At least that is how it was for me. God blessed me and my M was salvaged for a time. If the crisis had completed, if we had done the work, maybe we wouldn't be here now but immaturity has a way of making you think there is no work to do. That is why, this time, I am insistent that I am certain we have both done the work this time.
If you need to have the reminders of him gone right now, that is ok. I took down most of the wedding stuff. Left up the family pictures because we are still a family. Eventually, I put up new pictures to replace the wedding stuff and they include H. I read a book last year, the Surrendered Wife. Sounds scary. It isn't, unless we have control issues. But it was an eye opener for me and the beginning of my journey. I heard about a new one last night that also want to read. Mars and Venus Collide I believe is the name. It is supposed to explain male/female interaction from a more biological perspective.
MLC, Wah, Bipolar, the title doesn't really matter that much. Your H has mommy and control issues. That much is obvious and from what you wrote about MIL, I can't imagine anyone who would NOT have issues. You even wrote about how she has affected you and you have not grown up with her. Yes, H has finally said, ok something is not right and I need to fix it. Unfortunately, he has chosen you, not his job, not his family, to place the blame. I won't say there weren't issues in the M. Probably were, no M is perfect, but it runs deeper and it takes time for them to see it. In our sitch, it was all our M. Well guess what, H got his "separation" by going in the other room. Two months later, I was calmer and he was not feeling any different. Almost a year down the line, I am way better, sleeping like a baby, and he is up and down all night. He paces the porch. He can't make a decision beyond a few hours unless you force him to. So is he feeling any better? No. Has he looked at his real issues or does he still think it is all the M? Not sure. He is thinking. But if I had cut and run out of hurt, I would not be able to see it. Please take your time in whatever you are doing. It will only serve to make you stronger and really sure that you have done what is right for you.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
