I feel like by bringing up him moving out it will start our first R talk since That Conversation (early June). At that time, he said he felt he was done with our marriage and didnt want to be with me any more. Since then, there has been no hint of R talk, things have been very calm but that talk is hanging over both of us.
I don't want to instigate an R talk as right now he seems in deep withdrawal and he may well say he still feels that way and cement his position if he is unsure of his R position. We are getting the friend thing better since June, I feel thats as much as I can expect right now?
So there is us, a wall (his withdrawal/depression), and an elephant (the he wants out now part) in the room right now! I would like to kick the elephant out at least, but he needs to be the one to do that, in his own time if that happens. It will still be a few months till sales are finalised though, so I was planning on trying to build up the friendship as much as possible by then to give the best chance of postponing him moving out once sales completed.
OK, I was just giving that example of the conversation IN CASE he starts noticing your fatique, worry, etc... I wouldn't lead with it!
In the meantime, either way, it can't hurt to pay down some debt, right? IMO, that is a nice compromise, vs. cashing out to go set-up a new residence, ie; buy a new dining room set, put a depo down on an apartment, etc...
I know the gut feel is still there. Trust me. I know. I live with a knotted stomach! I didn't hear the conversation or see him saying it, but to me, it's not so bad. The money isn't going specifically towards a launching pad to his bachelorhood! It MIGHT just aid in it one day (NOTNOTNOTNOTNOT PMAPMAPMA!)
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I know, I have been coping with the conversations by telling myself I will get an overseas holiday with the increased cashflow once they are sold, if he stays I am fine about the sale, really!!
I am also trying for the No Expectations in the same breath, I have to be realistic too. He certainly wants his own account for his own bills, he is very certain about that, especially after seeing his IC. That could be part of him wanting to take control of his own money....or more. Yep the gut feel on this part!!!
Your response is still very good and will use INCASE, great fallback position.
Why do you still have such a gut feel. you seem in a much more secure place than me???
oh that! But you are still moving in a good direction, with that still quite likely to be coming up on your road. You have been taking down those bricks one by one, patience grasshopper!
I feel like H is about to walk out, and if he does, odds will be dramatically reduced of keeping this show on the road. Thats my knot!
Because at the start of June he said he couldn't live here anymore or he would grow to hate me, he considered our marriage over, and he was sure he did not want to be with me. All very calmly, no fighting.
It was that week I said, ok but I will go, I went to my IC for my three hour session, came back and have been very calm positive me. We have since had some nice family sessions and a few good us ones, but he was confused things started to move in a better direction and saw his IC. Since then, he has both become more relaxed around home, but has hit a real withdrawn stage, particularly from me. Very very polite, pulled back, no hugs for me etc. Something happened in his IC or that week, don't know what but the vibe seems to be moving in the wrong direction again. I am giving him heaps space, but somethings up. He is planning on spending the entire week at home next time (at this stage!) so not all bad, but that could be for the kids only too.
Ok, so spent the day reminding myself to Let Go With Love, and do my best in the present. Head feels in much better place. Met friends, got some more mets organised.
H called tonight with further possible progress on this major asset sale. Really interesting that the sale has made him happier tonight than he has been this entire crisis, ie prob two years. I THINK he has associated this particular asset with his own financial poor choices in other areas in the past, so it represents quite a bit, and the sale will certainly be a huge monkey off his back.
So I think my original plan of once sales complete, trying to suggest we give things another crack as less pressure and we are getting on better still best course of action, once he brings it up.
And just keep focussing on doing best each day...!
