Hi Hopeful! I really am so sorry you`re going through all this hurt with MC session.
I`ve been in that really angry "F U, H" place you are now. But you know what, I realised(eventually) that I was angry with the wrong person. You MIL has a lot to answer for! I`m not saying she wanted your M done but I`m reckoning she has messed up your H so much he has a huge block when it comes to unpeeling all those masks and knowing who the heck he is. It`s very common for ppl with difficult childhoods to hit a crisis in later life(call it MLC/WAH label doesn`t matter) but your H doesn`t know what end of him is up. MC maybe-maybe-peeled off one layer and drew him to certain conclusions re you. He really needed to Look Inside like the card said.
Looking Inside takes time. Looking Inside means you`ve be as patient as all hell. Take the blow outs (whatever way your H expresses them) and stay calm.
You don`t have to D right now. You don`t have to S right now either. Take your time. Think about what you really really want.
You`re always going to have to deal with your H. You`ll want those dealings to be as pleasant as possible. You`ll want your kids to see two adults engaging calmly over their welfare. You won`t be abel to do that from a war footing.
You`ll want to have another R yourself, if you`re ditching this one. You`ll want to know your part in this M crazy dance. You`ll want to learn to be strong so you`ll never be spun around like this again. You`ll learn all those things the longer you sit and watch and stay calm.
You`ll want to hug and bless and mind YOU right now. You`ll want to hug and bless and mind your children. You`re in the middle of the tornado. There`s all kinds of debris flying about. they don`t mean for you to be the target. Up to YOU to keep your head down, huddle and mind yourself and the kids.
When the storm calms and you come up for air you might find you can go on with M for another while.
Don`t do anything rash or in anger. It`ll only bite you back. Your H is a victim too. Not of you. But of your MIL.He`s just lashing at you cos he doesn`t know what`s going on in his head and you know him better than anyone else in the world.
BTW, I`m only a learner in all of this. Working on my bacherlor`s degree(oh, the irony of it!) hopin not to have to stick around and do a masters.... This college has a great reputation but its a damn tough course!
