Mare,
He has JUST found out that you are on to him!
He is confused about how to proceed, just like you are. He will probably be worried about you changing your mind, you could still decide to call it quits so he is in limbo too. This will probably make him defensive and perhaps even more secretive, he is going to feel like he has to protect himself. Of course this will not help YOU any, you need him to be straight forward and open! You definitely have the short end of the stick but he is going to be unsure and afraid too. The return of trust will take time and patience and the desire to fix things on both of your parts.
I watched a show last night on alzheimers and brain damage, once a nerve is killed it can not regenerate but your body CAN build a new path around the damage. It occured to me that that is what we have to do. Our trust is a burned demolished bridge. We have to build a new bridge, find a new road around the devistation so that we can keep going down the right road. It wont be the same as it was befor, but it will accomplish the same thing. We cant build it over night but if we take our time and do it right the new bridge can be better and stronger than the old one!
Right now everything is to new and confusing for you to even seriously think about reconstruction. Let things settle a little then talk to your H and come up with a blueprint together. It is going to take TIME and losts of patience!!
You are doing GREAT! You are strong! And you can do this if you just set your mind to it !!!! I KNOW you can!
Tempest