Well, I guess he is just a WAH. In MC, says I was too controlling in the past, he likes me, I'm a good mom, but he just doesn't feel he can be happy w/me. He thinks we should separate. I told him people can't be controlled unless they allow themselves to be.
Looks like my DBing days are over bc all I have to say to him anymore is F U, you Fing Pansy (ok so I want to say something else but feel it may be a little inappropriate). Yeah I know the other things are totally appropriate.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Sorry about the MC session. Why do oyu say he is WAH and not MLC? It didn't sound like a MLC (again, not my area) from your posts earlier today.
My recommendation right now would be not to make a decision while you are angry. Don't blame you for being mad - I know I would be. But, don't base a decision on that. 48 hr rule - wait 48 hrs and if it is a good decision, it still will be in 48 hrs.
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I really was just a horrible wife & a sucky person in general.
I hope you are being sarcastic. B/c if this is something he said or indicated, the WAS re-writes the marital history. None of us are goo enough, they never really loved us, we stifled them in X, Y or Z. It's all script.
I remember that anger well. Still fight it sometimes. Part of it stems from pride, and stubbornness. Some of my specialties, just ask Mach. lol Anyway... letting go of some of that pride and the "it's all about me" attitude is hard. I think I was told to write on my chalkboard 1000 times "This is not about me" by a wise friend. And sometimes I still have to think about it.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Thanks for the posts. I am already moving forward & deleting H from my life...just as he has done w/me. First step was going onto facebook & deleting his existence, including all of his friends that became mine over the years, next I will remove all photos. Once that has been completed, I will head up to bed & lock him out of the BR. Tomorrow I will discuss the timeframe in which he must remove himself from my house. I think 2 weeks is acceptable.
Everyone said I would know when I was done. I know.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Hopeful - he has that MLC script down and you fell for it. Go ahead and get mad, take him off of anything you want to...tonight. Tomorrow you can put him back on. It's okay to be done for now...but you can change your mind and everyone will be here for you when you do or if you don't.
I know that you are hurting right now. MC is not always the best solution. Take time to think through all that was said. Write all your feelings down and throw them away...or send them to the MC like I did. The words I used to our MC counselor were "bite me." I never regretted saying them and we never went back.
I think you need to vent a little more here so that the friends you have here can lift you up and support you through all of this.
It's hard to have them at home. I know. I think you will regret telling him to leave. It's hard to have them gone too. Just please give it the 48 hour rule.
I truly do not think he was MLC. I think he is just a man w/o b@lls. A man that held in his resentments over the years. Yes, he says he tried to tell me his issues by saying, while bickering, it's not what you say, but how you say it. Who doesn't say that while they are fighting?
Do I really want to be with a man w/no b@lls? No, I want a man I can respect & my respect for H has disappeared just like I hope he does soon. He is a shell of a man who holds in his emotions, lacks communication skills & is completely selfish. Why do I want to fight for this? Maybe I will feel different in the morning, but I really think it is time to push forward with my life. I am young, smart, fun, likeable & attractive. I have lots to offer & will have no troubles finding someone new. Heck, maybe I will meet someone with boatloads of money & I will be rich AND with an awesome guy. H is not that attractive anyways, never thought he was...maybe I will find a (okay so my list is long): Christian smart funny attractive fit rich stable & knows how to communicate unselfish MAN w/no kids (who doesn't want any of his own & is content w/mine) and who does not have tattooes.
That's all I'm asking for...is that so much?
Someone else can have H & his precious little mask...
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Because you took your promise you made and your vows to heart.
Yes I have a feeling you just may feel differently about this. Maybe not tomorrow morning, but you may soon. That's why it's so important to give this a little time. A couple of days perhaps before you make any decisions about this. You have just been hit with another bomb.
Only you can decide if/when you're done, you have every right to be angry. I think your smart enough to know not to make any decisions based on that anger.
I'm sorry this is happening, but it may need to come to this in order for him to work through his issues.
Anyway... letting go of some of that pride and the "it's all about me" attitude is hard. I think I was told to write on my chalkboard 1000 times "This is not about me" by a wise friend. And sometimes I still have to think about it.
The words I used to our MC counselor were "bite me." I never regretted saying them and we never went back.