How do you wait this out?

[Silent Chrleader]

Silent,
What does that mean that you let him go and you are now done? Did you file for divorce? I don't want to end the marriage, but I feel like I'm so disrespected by him as he 'slaps' the affair with his co-worker right in my face.

Hi, GG.

"Done" for me as completely letting go. Detaching. As I'm sure you have read, detachment is a must for survival through this journey we are all on. You may have also heard the term "fake it til you make it". Well, I have always been a very emotional and wear my heart on my sleeve type of person, especially with my H. I had a very tough time with "faking it". For me to really be able to let go and move on with my life "as if my H wasn't coming back", I eventually came to the conclusion that I had to actually really had to end it. So long as I am still legally married to my H, I couldn't move on and look for my own happiness, and I couldn't get past the pain of watching his current behavior.

I should also say that in my own sitch, because we are going through a bankruptcy too, we had to make the decision to legally seperate in some fashion (so we can get better terms for the bankruptcy). So, I didn't have the luxury of being able to wait and leave filing up to my H if/when he decided to take the responsibility for that step. I had to get a lawyer and make sure I was protected as much as I could be. Otherwise, I likely would have "stood" a lot longer "legally" speaking.

Actually, my H did agree to a legal seperation, but I have pretty much decided that I am going to file for D instead (I am the one doing the filing because I got the lawyer). As I said, I am doing this for my own mental and emotional health.

But, don't get me wrong. I love my H with all my heart and I know I will until I draw my last breath. I have been with my H since the day after my 17th birthday (and actually for quite a few years before that as my brother and his brother were best friends in high school). Our history is long, and I too struggle to understand how this all happened. I still cry at least once every day.

My H and I were each others "first, last and only" if you know what I mean. He was never a sentimental guy, but if anyone had told me 3 years ago that the would have an affair with his 28 year old secretary, I would have laughed in their face! The secretary did last, and H is on OW #2 who is the sister of a coworker who started trying to fix him up with her the minute she found out we were seperated.

My H and I are now getting along very well, and working together on all the logistics of the D, and I at least feel like I have taken back some of my own power. Ya' know? But, my heart is still very much broken, and I deeply mourn the loss of the man I loved...... I miss him terribly! But the man he is now is not that man.

As you can see, I'm feeling a bit depressed myself today!! Must be something in the karma...... Sorry for the "hi-jack" of your thread......

Take care, GG! And remember to give yourself some slack......be your own best friend!!

((((((hugs))))))