I would encourage you to read back through Rob's posts to you again, because it does not seem to me that you have received his message. Or, if you have, you have not embraced his message.
You wonder over and over again why your wife seems to be unable to have anything to do with you. I'm not sure where the confusion lies. She has left you. She has decided in her mind that the two of you should no longer be together, decided this to the point that she has initiated a divorce. While an amicable divorce is surely preferable to a hostile one, it's kind of silly to expect the spouse who has chosen to divorce you to want to have anything to do witth you socially - for any reason.
In addition, she already has expressed to you that she feels guilty for the impact her decision will have on you beyond just the matter of being divorced. Don't know about you, but when I feel guilty, I tend to avoid the person I feel I have wronged. It's certainly not a comfortable place to be.
Left behind spouses err most grievously when they fail to reach a point where they can just leave their spouse alone. Her absence and lack of contact with you has made it clear that she needs time and space from you. While I would say that you have generally done a decent job not pursuing her physically, you have been all over her emotionally almost non stop. Everything you do, everything you feel is still being driven by the fact that the woman you love has chosen to leave you.
Understand that I get those feelings, I truly do. We all had to wrestle with them on an almost daily basis as our situations unfolded. But at some point you have to allow yourself to move on from it. At some point you have to find enough faith in yourself to agree that this is HER issue and that there is NOTHING you can do about her issue right now.
You don't have to go find another love, though there is also nothing wrong with eventually getting to the point of dating. You can continue to hope or wish that things will change in the future. But you have to stop allowing your LIFE to be driven by this decision she has made.
Again, re-read Rob's posts and notice how he has consistently challenged you to find your self respect again. I agree with him whole heartedly that IF your wife is ever going to return, she is ONLY going to return to a man that she once again finds attractive, enticing, and alluring. And that's not happening while you continue to allow HER decisions to drive YOUR life.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I get it. I really do. I vent on here because I can and I don't really want to get into it with folks I know in the alt. I think my mistake was actually listening to and believing what she was saying, rather than what she was actually doing.
The truck thing has more to do with her insistence on the speed of things. Honestly, I don't want it. It's a piece of junk and we're both surprised it is still running. The car is mine. It's not up for debate. I'm not offering it. The exchange of titles before we've come to an actual financial agreement seems out of order to me is all. Since I don't trust her it makes me wonder if she has some ulterior motive in this. That's all.
I have lots of questions and I don't think those are going to go away anytime soon. As much as I would like what she says/does to not affect me, that's not where I am right now. I'm done asking her anything else. I don't believe what she has to say anyway. It's not really going to help me anyway. Do I think I am worth more than what she is offering? Absolutely. Do I deserve any of this? Unequivocally, no. At the same time, I'm struggling to find that balance of moving on with my life and slamming the door shut forever, which FOR ME I know is how I typically deal with things. I know that once I choose that path, reconciliation is off the table for good and that causes me some pause. I think taking time to really sort that out FOR ME is the best thing to do.
I know that once I choose that path, reconciliation is off the table for good and that causes me some pause.
Just for what it's worth, my personal experience and what I've gleaned from friends on this board - that statement is how you THINK you feel inside, but is often not the reality.
Chances are slim that you would actually LOCK the door to your heart, at least short of falling for someone new.
Move on and live life. Deal with what comes as it comes.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I'm finally IN! Wooo hoo! 13 hours to load the truck. 2 to unload. Next time I'm getting someone else to do this for me. I'm exhausted, but in a good way. Gotta work tomorrow though.
Now you only have to unpack everything. (Did I just make you feel more exhausted? )
Ever since my last move, when I drew my own personal line in the sand and I said to myself "Next time I'm getting someone else to do this for me"......
I've had to help friends with their moves several times.
I hope work is treating you well today! You deserve it.
PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact CHANGE. -Jimbo
I finally have some down time, so I figured I would check in a little here. The move wasn't nearly as emotional as I thought it would be. There is something cathartic about physical activity in relation to all of this. I've been feeling like I've been responding to events in my life. The past few days have felt like I'm being proactive. I've actually felt a little relieved after finally moving here. Being physically removed from the situation, I don't have the constant reminder of Her everywhere. And now I have a laundry list of things I HAVE to do for me. I can feel the tension in me just beginning to release. Not completely, but it enough for me to notice it in myself.
)