Things are better in my head. I do have the co-parenting session this afternoon with x, but I have no expectations at all about it, anymore. And even some of the past ideas that I had, about telling him what he did and where I was, etc. - there's no point to it, and I don't feel compelled to share that, anymore.
I get the DivorceCare emails, and they are up up reconcilliation, as in, forgive, live and let live, not holding resentment and anger, etc. The pendulum swings on all of that, but gets me a little closer to that being my reality each time, just a little further along.
****
Well, the day flew. D10 surprised me with setting up materials in the new studio, and we sketched together.
I went to the meeting today - not much eye contact, but some, and no xanax or anxiety before I got there (or during it). I started off with how I had felt attacked at the end of last session and how it was just an illustration of how I had been treated these last 2 years (all his justifications, etc.). The C kept things in the present, kept both sides to the point, showed how to use "I" statements. These are all things that I know, but it is so good having someone referee, make sure that he learns to speak respectfully, etc. Even reminds me what is my work and what is is to keep the focus between us on the kids.
Next appt is 9/1. I might write more about the session later, but I am glad it is done.
