Isn't it funny that I'm actually afraid of myself in a way if that makes sense. I've been such a softy with H that I'm afraid of getting back there and having this guys take me for a ride. And I'm definitely afraid of opening up to him totally but at the same time I feel like I'm opening up to him again. Last night I pulled out my bible ( not to defame the good Lord), the book Why Men Love Bitches. I think I need to keep reread that book over and over again, and btw I total recommend as well. Mdoodles, if you read this, buy this book!!!!
So since today is my update day, another story/update.... so co-worker shared with me an article this woman wrote 3 yrs ago for the NY Times about how Shamu helped her marriage and it was about how she observed trainers teaching wild animals and decided to use the tactics to improve her marriage. The main technique is reward the good behaviors, ignore the bad behaviors with no response whatsoever. She saiys that negative or positive attention fuels a behavior (DB right?). Anyway, so I've been practicing this tactics myself... but it's so difficult for me to just shut up.
So Friday was actually my 5th anniversay. Yea, I've been saying 5 yrs of hell, but more like 4 yrs and 1 collective good year. Anyway, I usually like to celebrate our anniv but this yr I figured why bother, we're not even together anyway. But H was good and sent me a happy anniv text in the morning. Then Fri night he had plans to go out with his cousin, and I was totally thinking that that sob is hanging out with others on our anniv. And usually he would had heard it from me. But I practiced doing nothing. Late teh evening, he texted me to find out what I was doing and total DB I acted so happy and casual - like nothing was wrong whatsoever. He said he was bored at the function and I told him to have a good time, and I'm off to bed. 4 in the morning H was ringing my phone and I ignored it - why have him disturb my rest after he finished hanging out. Then I heard the door bell ring, so I knew it he was outside. Once I opened the door low and behold H was at my door at 4am with roses. It was a true surprise. And not to mention a good lesson for me... shut my mouth and practice doing nothing.
hey vicky, i was wondering where you were! im trying to catch up on your situation, have you read the latest on mine?
we need to somehow exchange phone numbers, how do we do it? how do i give you my email? we could really be helping eachother right now...
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Ahhh, sometimes I wonder if it would be so much easier to just move on from our WAS. It gets to be so overbearing at times. But then I wonder if its just all relationships.
So last night H and I were suppose to go see a movie. And as expected he didn't come through. But I felt he would do exactly what he did. During the day I told him the movie was at 7:20. So after work I went and got the tickets and did not call him at all. i'm trying to make a change in the way we interact. Normally I would call adn ask where he was, get upset that he's late, and he would try to reschedule to make it convenient for him, etc. So I just didn't call him to check in. The polite thing would have been for him to let me know if he couldn't make it, right? I had planned on going alone anyway. Once I saw it was late, I called a friend and she went with me. Still had not received a call from H until an after the movie was to start. I just let the phone ring as he called about 5 times. After the movie, I called him back and I just acted so casual it was great for me. I could tell he was surprised b/c he knew he did wrong. there he was saying but I didn't call him... crazy right. I just told him I went with my friend adn how funny the movie was. Inwardly I was mad though but at the same time I went and had a good time. I swear thsi man knows exactly what he's doing and I think he does it on purpose!!! At this point I'm feeling like I don't want him or ow to steal my joy and he is trying to work my nerves. He says that he will make it up next week and he will make the arrangements, lets see about that. He insisted on coming over, i told him I was goign to get some dinner and he said oh wait for me we'll go together, again the old vickyd would have done exactly that, I told him he could just pick up dinner for me and bring it - let him do some work.
But people, the guy drives me crazy. I feel all these little inconsiderate gestures have all added up to his big A. i really don't know sometimes if I can handle this although I am handling it. I'm trying to be different though and not tolerate his crap or have it all upset my world. When h and I separated it was on account of the same thing like last night. We had plans to go out, he went to babysit his son without even calling me, showed up like 5hrs later expecting us to still go out. I blew up rightfully. But I want to handle things differnt htis time. I know I'm entitled to my feelings but I'm feeling all these "feelings" that I feel I must express just won't get us anywhere. I often wished I could redo that argument we had when we sep. - I feel now the better thing to do was to not sit at home those 5hrs. I should have gone out had a good time and showed that I will not tolerate the disrespect. I'm trying to do that now. Funny thing is that I must admit that H was inconsiderate with time from when we were dating - but it all added up to big inconsideration and disrespect.
I think that is great how you handled it. I also think you are getting some great perspective on your situation given hindsight.
I wouldn't be making too many decisions at this juncture, but I think you are getting to the point where you are focusing on you and what you deserve, and that is important.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
I don't think she is pregnant. She has let herself go though. [/quote]
Funny how strange enough its also hard for these WAS but they don't have the strength to do what right. It's really about who has the weaker character and inner strength. At least that's true in my case. Stay strong DC, but I would say, as always, quick the fight. Protecting yourself though I can undertand.
Funny how strange enough its also hard for these WAS but they don't have the strength to do what right. It's really about who has the weaker character and inner strength. At least that's true in my case. Stay strong DC, but I would say, as always, quick the fight. Protecting yourself though I can undertand.
I have backed down on the fighting. I'm focused on getting her evaluation completed so I can get some answers there. Otherwise we meet in battle over custody whenever this comes to trial.
Any time I mention our marriage, the kids, etc. I get accused of random things, including "rape" at our most recent hearing. Sure the judge doesn't buy it - but what kind of a person thinks that makes any sense at all to throw out without evidence or even any details?
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
