Sorry it's taken me so long to check the boards. It's been quite a busy summer!
You are getting excellent advice from Bagheera. He is one of our finest.
Your situation has many similarities to mine. I found that when I started down this path, I had to spend quite a bit of time learning about myself through reading and posting here. I learned that I had my own issues with intimacy, and I also got to know myself better with regard to what I want. Reading important books like SSM and Passionate Marriage will help you explore yourself AND articulate your thoughts and desires with your H.
In my particular case, it took several encounters and talks over time, with a final discussion that outlined exactly what I want, what I need, and what is at stake because of what was missing.
Some people "get it" more easily than others, but what is important is your tenacity. Keep learning and keep pushing him on the issue. But do so *carefully,* without coming down on him (which will shut him down) and without making it seem like an obsession or that you're only after your own satisfaction. This is about improving your marriage and your connection -- BOTH of you will live happier lives because of the work you put into this.
Another important point is self care. Do, wear, behave in a way that makes you feel beautiful and sexy, first for YOU, then for him. Your positive energy and positive self image will keep you happier and more open to intimacy with your H.
Those are just a few thoughts for now. I look forward to getting to know you better. I'll help in any way I can.
