God is there for you but he has sent you *many* positive things that you will not participate in, stick to or even give a chance.
I find it most alarming that you think you have detached from your W.
Have all the faith you want but use that faith as a source of strength to use the resources that are being provided to you. If you use BOTH in conjunction with one another you will have a life altering experience. Why wont you even consider it?
You say you cant read books because your mind wanders so you listen to books on audio. That alone should tell you that you need guidance and structure on how to focus with multiple resources.
With all due respect you are started to sound so preachy its getting hard to even read your posts. Its avoidance and until you realize that, realize you *can* do both, I think your support system will drain quickly. Sorry to say that but I think it is true.
Its almost insulting to ask you questions that are reasonble and have merit and meaning and for you to respond with a preachy post about religion. The more you throw yourself into this mindset the further back you set yourself UNLESS you begin to incorporate more solution based tactics. So far your plan has been religion and pills. You need more. We all do. We are ALL still trying to work with you but you block us at every turn. How much longer do you think that will continue?
This may sound ugly but its the harsh truth. We have asked how we can help you and you say be patient. We have been patient. Very patient. But you need to put some work in the process as well and that work invovles solutions that are therapy based on structure, guidance and proven methods and techniques.
