Hijack appreciated-esp as Letting Go seems to be a problem for me too. Though I`m hoping less so now-for another while anyway.Great reflection, by the way, Mach.

Cat, the snooping doesn`t bother me. It makes me laugh actually cos hes the one who was sending dirty texts to his OW when they were sprung by OW`s husband who, by his own account, is a master snooper. And anyway, I snooped on H big time after his A. Rooted through his pockets, car, anything I could lay my hands on I snooped through. And I swear, I`m not that type of a person normally. But hey, who`s normal in all of this?!

As for 'sometimes, its easier when he isn`t around at all`. I concur with that one Cat! Though I know H hates being around me right now too which is why I try to make home as pleasant as poss, don`t interfer with his relationship with kids,leave food so he can help himself and greet him with a "hi!" so he sees I`ve no apparent animosity.And I keep busy, keep moving thoug I don`t deliberately move out of his way if he enters a room for example. I don`t want to make it hard for him to come back-if he ever decides to come back. But mostly I don`t want me to enter the tension zone again if I can help that at all!But yeah, when he`s gone I`m pretty happy.

Ha! Did have a fleeting thought of leaving out signs that I`m having an A for him to find. But honestly I think what my H is afraid of finding is texts to ppl about him. Also hoping to find I`ve no texts therefore no friends. Oh and trying to see what my plans are for nites out etc.

Yeah, I do the 20 20 vision thing beginnersmind, though regret isn`t my thing. Just ready for when our sitch improves. I`ll know how to be if our M is back on/I`ll know how to be in another R too.

Thanks TIF, having a great day here. Brought the kids wall climbing(kinda appropriate for me!) something we hadn`t tried before. Had a pal over for coffee. Still painting son`s room!But having lots of fun with all of it.

Have to say though, DBing has got to be one of the toughest courses in the University of Life. Most days I wish I`d chosen a different module!