Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

First of all, do you know exactly what the deal breaker in the M would be for you? If you aren't sure, then you may have to decide. Perhaps you don't know "until" it happened.

I have to remember my state of mind when I was in that WAW mode and if my H was to say anything to me that sounded as if it was a threat or a "dare" then I would react. I may not say anything to him in a reaction, but in my deeds. I will get back to you in a little while about this, but be let me know if you are sure about the what the deal breaders would be to make you leave the M.

Sandi,

If my W contracted an STD and/or got pregnant by OM, it would almost certainly end our M for sure. I believe these two circumstances are beyond my current patience/tolerance threshold. If there were multiple sexual encounters, I'd say right now there would be a better than 50% chance that would end our M. I'm not sure yet how I'd react to 1-2 sexual encounters or how that would impact our M.

BTW, any of the above would result in my W losing her membership in our church- something that she continues to maintain is very important to her and is currently a factor in her fantasy with OM (she would ideally like to marry him in our church if she could get rid of me and take the kids out of state). However I don't believe our church is as important to her as OM, at least not right now.

Also, another important piece of information I keep forgetting to pass along to you. My W is in "competition" for OM's affection with a younger, single woman he is also engaged in an internet romance with. My W became aware of this other woman early April, has visited her (OW's) MySpace page numerous times and has done internet searches on her. My W has openly admitted to being jealous of this other woman's relationship with OM. From what I can gather, OM has played up his relationship with this woman with my W to the point where my W considers this woman a serious threat to her fantasy R with OM.

My W also appears to be trying to "model" certain aspects of this other woman- buying and wearing the same sunglasses this other woman wears in her MySpace photos for example. I've also sensed my W attempting to adopt this other woman's "attitude"/beliefs as articulated on her (other woman's) MySpace page: proud/assertive/narcissistic "Bitch".

I know, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse with my W's mental/emotional state. Don't know what else to do outside of taking care of myself and my kids. I've presented my W with all of the resources one could offer her to help with this sitch and she has rejected them all. I have to admit, the thought of a serious "intervention" for my W does cross my mind from time to time.

My W has so much to lose- I truly believe she won't realize what she has sacrificed until it is too late. I hope it doesn't come to that. Look forward to hearing your thoughts regarding my original question along with the new information above.