I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[dmkdmkdmk]

I haven't been able to check in much on your thread lately but it sounds like you are doing so much better

You might want to check with an orthomaxillofacial surgeon about the wisdom teeth - I did when I had mine done, and it went through my medical rather than my dental, and cost a lot less than it would have if I'd just had a dentist extract them...

[beepee]

Thanks DMK:
I'll definitely check that out! thanks! I have dentists and I hate anything having to do with teeth..always scared me as a kid.

I'm feeling really down right now.
My other brother called me and wanted to talk about me moving to Btown and they really don't want me to do it. They have a problem with the rent amount, the fact that I'd be rooming with a guy, that I don't have a job, that I might hurt myself and mostly, that I'm going to find H. It makes me really sad. I feel like I'm being controlled and held hostage here.

They don't seem to understand that my need to move out is for my own survival. I know I won't make it if I stay here. Or It would take triple the amount of time to get better. I can't stay here anymore. And now I don't know what they're deciding, they won't give me an answer and I have to have that application in by today, I can't hold it off anymore as my potential roommate needs to know if I can move in or not. I don't want to make him wait anymore, it's not fair to him.

I keep asking and I keep saying that I need it today, and everyday is the same, "haven't done it." And after a week, he still hasn't done it and is having doubts. Couldn't he have told me that sooner instead of making me wait a week? I don't know what to do. He's a very scary and intimidating person and he gets angry very easily and everytime he talks to me, he has this horrible angry look on his face, ALWAYS. I can't stand it. I can never have a normal conversation with him. Never have actually. Its really sad. Anyway, I don't want to talk about it, it'll get me sad. I'm going to go ask him one last time. If he says no or doesn't know, I'm just going to have to email roommie back and back out

[beepee]

Well.. He just said no. After all that.
If he already made his decision, why did he wait so long. AND he didn't come to me to tell me, I had to go ask him again?? It doesn't make any sense. He gave me false hopes, he should've told me no to begin with if he knew he was going to say no.

What do I do now? I put in the application by myself but I doubt that I'm going to get it because of my credit. I'm starting to spiral..

[beepee]

Just got a response from the leasing dept.
They won't accept me without a cosigner.
sigh..

[davidswife]

I'd suggest that you redouble your efforts to find a job. It's the only way that you'll be able to move out. I know it's hard for you there, but at least you have a place to stay. Focus on the positive.

You can't control your brother, your husband or anyone -- only you.

How did your credit get so wrecked?

Stacy

[beepee]

Hi Stacy:
I'm currently searching jobs now, been doing it all day. Not much out there, but keeping hope nonetheless.
I'm going to try to find a place that doesnt require credit checks, currently searching for places right now too.

Credit got wrecked from massive student loans, 5 years in a private undergrad with not much financial aid and a year in the same institution for masters.

[beepee]

Trying really, really hard to stay positive.
But finding it really, really hard to.

I'm so terrified of staying here for longer than another month.
I'm trying to think about the positives of my situation right now, I have a place to stay, I don't have to pay for food or rent and it allows me to save money. But to be honest, I WANT to pay for my own food, I WANT to pay my own rent, I WANT to go out there and start being independent. I know it takes time, I know I have to have so much patience, but this just sucks.

I don't have anyone around to talk to or someone to give me a hug when I feel sad. I need that human interaction again. I don't say more than a few words throughout the day. I miss talking. I miss people. I miss affection. I miss hugs. I miss kisses. I miss H.

[davidswife]

BP,

I thought you posted yesterday about all the friends you have in the area. If you're down, call one of them.

As far as wanting to pay your own way, that is simply not realistic. Didn't you say yesterday that you had an overdraft? Keep your goals in mind, but you need to be realistic about your circumstances. And I take it that you defaulted on your student loans? In that case, you're not going to be able to get a place without a co-signer. Especially in this economy, everyplace does credit checks.

Instead of being terrified of staying there more than a month, can you think of ways to make it more bearable for everyone? It seems like the dynamic there is difficult for everyone, not just you.

I'm sure you'll feel better once some of your e-bay items start selling. You'll come out of all this a much stronger person. There are lots of lessons here to be learned -- you just have to do the work.

Don't let this negativity spiral you down. Do not.

Stacy

[Virtually_Handsome]

What Stacy said!

(((((((beepee)))))))

And all the trite sayings... they have some truth in them! Accentuate the positive. Let the negative run off like water off a duck's back! Slow and steady wins the race. Etc.

[beepee]

All my friends live an hour away and they were all at work and they're all really busy today so I couldn't reach any of them.

I'm trying not to think about things by watching something funny but it keeps crossing my mind and I got hit with a crying spell. Its over now thank goodness.

I know there are positives, I just have to stop dwelling on the negatives that are happening right now but its very hard. The only positives I can see are living rent free and being able to save up. That's all I can really think of to be honest.

I know this is going to make me so much stronger. I know it will. But right now, I only feel like I'm getting weaker and weaker by the minute. I don't have nearly as much energy as I did yesterday and I haven't done anything but search jobs and apartments.

I can't help but get angry at H for making me go through all this, but I know its not his fault. No one is responsible for the way my life turns out but me. It just makes it that much harder to try and move on from H when I physically can't move on.

I know, I know, don't let this get me down. Easier said than done.
I have to figure out what I can do to help make me feel better.