G my friend! Still trucking around I see Not to worry - I'll try the on-line route here. Just a bit worried about the Air Freight offered from the website - never heard of them here - that MAY hit the Post Office when it lands this side of the pond. I'd be much more comfortable with UPS or DHL. Gonna give it a go though. Thanks for the offer though. Truly appreciated.
And now to the Wonderful Wifey!
Thanks for your post and more importantly pointers.
Line HAS been drawn. Actually it's been dug up with a JCB. It will be okay. I've proved a priest wrong, "friends" wrong and some of the in-laws wrong in the past. I'll do it again. It's just the time that it takes for my W to work things out thats the issue with me. I know - patience.
The difference this time is the pressure of the W demanding money and then pleading poverty (underwear falling to bits, need toiletries desperately etc). That hurt I feel is nearly physical. It certainly is mental. Just writing this part has a lump in my throat.
As Sandi and Serenity both said, which I didn't see at the time - the pair of them certainly yanked my chain. And I fell for it. Not again.
I've decided that reading text messages, good, bad or downright evil from either of them is not good. I'm installing a blocker on the iPhone. I honestly can't take any sh!t from them at the moment. I'm trying to work. At home, in business and on my life. Not ready to carry a pile of do-do as well at the moment. I'm NOT cutting off comms. W can still call cell or landline at home or tell friends. Just NOT text.
You are right - hostility is there. Just feeling fed up that my W thinks life is so much better in my world (actually that may just pi$$ her off) but you can see that is not the case. I'm fed up with sponsoring her so she can park her bum in the garden. Off to the pub with "friend". Enjoy Sunday Lunch! Just bites my bum. Not a good way to start any conversation. I fell for it - forgive me.
Wifey, I've acknowledge the my parts of the problems in the M - the ones I've figured out. I've no idea if more will pop up. I will take responsibility if any more crop up and are justified. Just not taking on any more poop.
Learning and working. Oh yes. If you've taken a journey through my thread and seen the darkest deeds, thoughts, worries, ad infinitum, you can't fail to notice the change about 2 weeks ago. From an incremental crawl in the early days through to a BIG BANG moment. I've no idea what caused it but I like the results. My friends (here in cybercra@p and in the physical world) like me. My customers like me. Good grief even the call-center people at the card companies like me! And most amazingly of all .................................... I like me.
I've become so outgoing it's frightening. I used to be a "little" insular. No more. Never again. I like this.
The W needs to get to this "higher plane" as well. Just can't show her the way. Bummer
Quote:
If she were to come back right now, absent the learning and growing, it would only be more of the same and a nail in the coffin of your M. Do you understand that that is where she is right now? At some point she would have loved to see you change.
Oh I so agree. It's happened before. We discussed. We planned. I (note I not We) organized. My W said we don't need it - if we can't sort this out between us.. etc. I dropped it. Heard the phrase "flogging a dead horse"? Bigger bummer
I don't really understand where she is now. I don't think she does either. All I can do now is let her see that I have changed. Not with a list of LOOK - I'VE CHANGED but by my actions, my attitude and my unadulterated love of my W.
Wifey, she DID see it before. I did change but nowhere near as much as this time. I dread to say this but doing it on my own without distraction, journaling my a$$ off etc. has imbedded lessons in my skull that I will never forget. That sound's like I'm saying my W held me back in this growth. I don't know what to say about my own statement. I love my W with a passion. Why would I say such a hurtful thing?
Texting - stopped - nipped in the bud. Totally unacceptable way of communication. Which takes care of your next paragraph. As Serenity said - Tool of the devil. Now I know what she meant. After the fact. After having my face slapped a few times by you lovely ladies. Thanks one and all.
The reality isn't brutal. It's bloody uncomfortable but not brutal. The over-helpful side of me is crying out to DO SOMETHING. The reality is I can't.
Change more? I may be able to do that. It's difficult trying to figure out what other changes I need to do than those I've done already. A boost to the identified ones are the only things I can think of - just more of the above. Jeez - that sounds so arrogant. It's not meant to be I promise. It's difficult because of after the BIG BANG all improvements are relatively small.
Just thought of one - I need my FAITH boosting up a notch or two. Your initial comments gave me that.
I thank you Wifey and all my chums here.
And now - engage 1st gear, get off bar stool, stroll nonchalantly to kitchen and find something to create a culinary delight with (YUM YUM).
OH - there's another couple of things just popped into my brain. My memory has improved beyond recognition. And to write this load of whittering a short while ago would have been just about impossible. Must be the effect of using a loo-brush on my life
Yes - I actually do like me.
Hugs to me - and because I can - to you lot as well
