it has been a while ..what with your many goings on and trying to get health restored at your residence and me trying to pour myself into securing my eventual permanent residence (EUREKA on that one it sure seems)and first of it's kind.
It pained me slightly to read about the way you processed the recent dinner encounter w/ Dan in hindsight. So of this processing is unavoidable and some of it is not.
It occured to me that if you are both looking accross the table and trying to detect signs that the other one is displaying (or could be ..or couldn't be ..or could be)that in and of itself would take what might be a more pleasant event and turn it on it's side.
I speak for myself and maybe for you as well (not sure there) when I say that I have not even approached utilizing the 'Act as if' technique to it's fullest.
It, like so many of the techniques which MWD expounds upon in her terrific books is so very counter-intuitive. But I sure do remember the example that she shared of her own personal experience in trying to diffuse marital discord. She mentioned about her being away on one of her many tours of the country in support of her profession and how she could just about pin down the very words she anticipated hearing from her H upon her return to the home and all of that reintegration process after the H was playing the stand-in homemaker. She figured he would fuss and complain about her being gone for so long.
Then she put the brakes on that whole thought process of hers and eliminated the associated negativity from her mind. I can relate to this sorta stuff so well cuz I perceive that my darling travels down the road of thinking worst case scenarios at every turn. I can't recall an instance of her leaning in the other direction and thinking best case scenario. I really can't. I tend to think that it is sadder for her than for me that she finds herself trapped in that mode of thinking. I try to point it out to her as I feel it is my duty to at least do that much as her dearest friend. The dearest friend is to hold the mirror for the other to trully see what they do or do not got going on.
Alright...that was enough typing 4 moi. need mucho rest. really.
Hope you extract something meaningful from my collection of words.
