Mach, that is beautiful and I have actually seen it before. Yes, I too am struggling again with letting go. Not of H. But of my own stuff. No I didn't cause this, but there are so many things I could have done differently that would have made ME and my experience different if that makes any sense.
I have been sort of entertaining the very evil thought lately of starting to start hiding things for him to find. I know, that would make the situation worse and I won't do it, but it is just one of those things that goes through my head once in a while.
I think in ways I'm joining Trapt's club and I need to give myself all of the same reminders that he has received. When H shows any sort of human behavior toward me, I spin a little. The alien crap is just that and sort of makes me sit back and laugh anymore. This all seems very different than the touch and go's that I got for months and months. Do I see reconcilliation, NO. Do I see growing, yes. Where will it lead, only God knows. I was called honey yesterday. I almost crapped my pants and then it took me several hours to put myself back together. For the last year, I have been addressed once by the term housemate, and the rest of the time hey. Occasionally I remind him "I have a name" and about a week or so ago he actually said yes you do, but still has not used it. IMO, the use of my name would be a huge step, and would probably also make me have some sort of accident, so the honey was one of those really f'd up things. LOL. Then the jerk returned momentarily and I got an instant headache and went to bed. Beginning to think I'm going to have a stroke over all of this LOL.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
