Cautiously Optimistic

[Done in VA]

FG & Cat,

Thanks for checking out my thread! I can use all the opinions I can get.

Cat - that makes sense regarding the time being on your side to not act on emotions. This is a lesson I have REALLY learned through all of this. I guess I apologized that time just to feel H out. To see if he would soften and say - oh no big deal. Like he normally would. I won't be doing it anymore particularly if he isn't owed one.

FG - The weird thing about my H is that he does not have outbursts. He has a VERY good "mask" and I believe he has even fooled our MC. She really believes that he is just a guy who let resentments build up inside of him until he was ready to walk away. Does she believe the resentments are legitimate or just TRUTH for him? I don't know. Do I believe some of his complaints are legitimate? yes I do, but everytime he is asked if he ever voiced anything to me, he says no. Which leads me to believe that many resentments were "made up" in order to re-write the marital history. The only time he has let me see the depth of his anger were a few times in counseling.

Questions for you & I know everyone is sick of the same ones, but...

1. I see no evidence of OW. Let me tell you I am one smart cookie & darn sneaky at that, I can't find a thing. Oh I believe there COULD be one, but if there isn't it's one thing that doesn't fit w/MLC.

2. I see no evidence of financial abuse.

3. Aside from him being gone all the time playing bball & fishing (which I attribute to him wanting to get away from ME), I don't see any type of disconnect from the kids or any of his other responsibilites. He will tickle the kids, put them to bed, coaching S's football team, etc.

On to the NPD MIL (She has not been diagnosed as such, but I KNOW she would be). Let me tell you a story to illustrate the way she is. When we first got married, she convinced us to move from FL to VA. She told us we could move in w/her until we got jobs & could find a house. She told us we would have the Master BR since we were newlyweds & she would move into the maids quarters on the first level. We get to VA & find her still in the MBR. She tells us the 1st level BR was too dark for her so she is going to stay in the master! That was one of the only reasons I agreed to move to VA! The first Christmas we were there, we spent it w/my parents in PA being that we saw MIL everyday in her house. I had just started a job & H was still looking at that point, so we didn't have much money. We bought her a nice Christmas banner bc she loves to decorate her house for the holidays to the hilt. H calls MIL on Xmas morning to wish her a Merry Xmas & she is crying & basically hangs up on him. She did have people to spend Xmas with so she wasn't alone, but I thought she was just sad that we weren't there. I said - call her back & tell her you are sorry we are not there with her. She was hysterical & telling H she couldn't believe we got her something that she wouldn't even want! When we came home, our gift was laying on our bed. She had returned it to us bc it wasn't good enough! She was mad at us for weeks over this...

Needless to say, now I am paranoid that anytime I buy her a gift it will be wrong! Another year, we bought her an electronic crossword puzzle gadget from Sharper Image. She did puzzles ALL the time. She sent H an email afterwards letting him know that we obviously don't know her bc she doesn't do crossword puzzles anymore. She wanted to know if we would either like the gift back or she could re-gift it to someone else.