Fallgirl`s Second Thread

[cat04]

Storm,

Thanks. I was sort of thinking along those lines. Yes the things that have come up could actually be valid issues I suppose. Some are in the past, cannot be changed, but it was nice to hear how he felt about it without him blaming and him understanding, finally and admitting his part in it, why something was done the way it was (this was about son and I stated what I had to several days ago and he thought about it for a while and then had a comment). The other issues are more about how we communicate and he is pointing out things that I have said to him for years. So when he says it now, all I can do is be different, and, ok i'll take 2x4's, point out to him that he has to be willing to give me the same courtesy that he is asking for. One of H's biggest things, which is an issue for me and just makes me want to ignore what he says, is the double standard. Behavior that is never ok for me, stuff he has berated me for over and over and over (even before this) is the exact same stuff he has always done but is Mr. Perfect for doing. I used to fight back, defend, and refuse to change my behavior because he wouldn't change his. Now, I just listen and tell him that I deserve the same respect. Which I guess for me is a total 180. I am, have been for a long time, a nonperson in H's view. I was not entitled to express feelings, to express desires, to go places unless son or a parent was with me except for work, to ask questions about anything, to expect him to treat me the same way I treated him, with the same consideration. God forgive me for speaking negativly of H. But this is not rewriting history unfortunately. The sad part is that I let it get this way. I have to say that I never felt kept down exactly, until I started to try to make changes in this situation, and then started getting in trouble. That was when I saw what I was living. I think that is where my anger and frustration keeps flaring up from. I get angry with myself now for having allowed things to get where they were.

Who knows maybe I started treating him like a nonperson. I know I did start treating him like a child, because he acted like one. No I can't say maybe. I did start treating him the way he treated me by treating him like a child.

Mach, I guess that is really stupid about the snooping. I just keep wanting to ask if he is finding what he is looking for. On any given day my purse contains, my checkbook, nail clippers, old shopping lists, hair clips, medication for him (stomach pills, ibuprophen, antianxiety pills), my credit cards, insurance cards, id, and anything else that my son throws in there for mom to carry. Nothing more, nothng less. It has never been something that I have kept secret or closed to anyone. My phone is used for work, son, H, and family. So snoop away but nothing new or different. Does it ever stop? Not that I'm planning on hiding anything when it does, and not that I'm being careful now compared to before but...