The weekend sounds like it was awesome. I am also glad he backed you up, but he sounded angry. It may not go well with the D to be told to get the f*ck out. That is what started the ice age between S and H that continues to this day.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
You`ve already come SUCH a long way! Pat yourself on the back, girl!And so has your H! Love that he stood up for you-though I feel sorry for D18. Can be a tricky enough age when you`re trying to find your way in the world. Though she is just plain trying too and needed to be called on it.
Isn`t DB also about setting boundaries for yourself with others too? Letting them know what`s acceptable in terms of how to treat you?I use DB with my kids a lot now! Don`t over control them but amn`t a doormat for them either!
The stumbling block for you seems to be the attractiveness issue(and I can tell from way out here that you`re personality alone is very attractive!Just can`t see ya to judge the other stuff!). would focussing on other aspects of appearance help that?One of my top GAL goals and a 180 for me has been getting dressed up everyday. I`ve had a great response to that(from other ppl, though I know H notices too) AND it keep me focussed on keeping the weight off too.Plus your H obviously loves to see you involved in water sports. So it would be a win win for you to indulge in more of that.
I`ve started doing stomach crunches lately(inspired by the sight of Sandra Bullock in the Proposal). Will let you know when I get that six pack. Seeing as how I never had one and that I`m in my forties don`t be waiting now for that post!But I love that this DB place takes me places I`ve never been before!
I'm not sure what's going to get this woman/child on the right track! She just knows everything!
H doesn't appear to be holding a major grudge against her. He just thinks she's only thinking about herself, and hopefully she'll come around, before it's too late. We can't do anymore. We did college visits, assisted in getting her into a good university, offered to send her there, etc... She ruined the opportunity (for now) by not wanting to do the work to go there. So, she's not going away, but going to a local Junior College, and, we thought by "supporting" her in moving out, it would be a launch into doing work to earn rewards....
My plan in the am is to explain to her calmly that we haven't had a nice vacation in a few years. It is hard to do now, due to the economy, time available, etc... So, I was really excited to book this mini-vacation for all of us, since it had activities we would all enjoy.
The trip started out w/a tad of disappointment, as D18 slept almost the entire six hours (due to the fact that she had been up until 6am), and when she was awake she was barking orders at her brothers or whining about something. We had a fun time during the weekend activities, except, even during these activities that she was enjoying and I planned, she was making annoyed/sarcastic comments to me.
Then, fast forward to the ride home, and the arrival at home.
To say the least, it hurt my feelings that she was not appreciative of the efforts, and that she could be so mean to me.
And, lastly, H, who RARELY corrects her, let alone yells at her, has, all along thought that we bickered because mom's and daughters do that. He didn't really hear me when I would tell him why I was reacting to her in a certain way. After hearing her talk to me (w/out her knowing he was listening), he was shocked, and incredibly disappointed, and now understood my pain and suffering in dealing with her.
So, we'll see how it goes.
I haven't slept one minute all night. Between D18, being in Lake Geneva and remembering all of the good times, having this "friends" M w/my H, etc... I'm shocked I haven't had some sort of brain/heart explosion.
It's hard because I'm pretty positive, and a joyful person.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I hear ya! D18 is at a tricky age/stage! And, leaving a trail of headaches behind her...
I like what you said about applying DB techniques to the kids. I think we've LRT'd her! LOL
Attractiveness... I had a problem w/this prior to the bomb (dressing-got lazy, wore sweats a lot, etc...), but not so much anymore. I dress nicely, but don't feel attractive no matter what I wear because of the extra weight. Maybe some new wedges? I swear I'm working on the weight thing. I feel stuck though, almost paralyzed from the stress of all of this stuff.
The Proposal was HYSTERICAL! Funny, Sandra Bullock is H's celeb crush. (So, is Jennifer Love Hewitt! Maybe I should cover up this blonde w/brunette coloring!) She was FAB! And, how about Ryan Reynolds? BEAUTIFUL! Loved the movie! Great story.
I'm not so sure I'd actually DO the crunches, but does it count that I'm sore as hell from wakesurfing today! I can't tell if it's from the actual wakesuring or the nice spill I took immediately upon hitting the water, since I hadn't done it in two years!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Funny... mention of attractiveness... H is quite attractive. Hasn't wavered more than 5lbs either way since we met. Dresses nice (thanks to me!). I'm up and down weight-wise. It's never really bothered him. I just don't feel confident if I look in the mirror and I don't like the reflection. I'm on the highest side of where I've ever been. I can carry 20lbs extra though, since I'm 5/7, and only move up one size.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
You HAVE been making so much progress in your sitch, I think you should be so proud of yourself!! Sounds like you are really getting those results and still moving in the right direction, thats soo good. I would think the last bit of your Hs wall to come down would be slower, just like the last few inches in weight loss! Or maybe it will keep moving along with more events such as when your saw progress with your daughter. Great job anyway!
All of this fun, and him seeking me out to make sure I'm having a good time, making sure I have something I like to drink, making sure I see how cute S12 is being w/his girlfriend, etc... And, yet, I'm still in tears (alone) five to six times a day.
It's the loneliest crowd I've ever been in.
All of the restaurants in Lake Geneva we drove by were ones we had gone to on "married" dates just a few years back. I see my S12 with his arm around his gf watching TV, and my H bringing me to see them, makes me remember when he would want to be close to me. Etc. Etc. Etc.
What do I do? I can't live like this. I don't feel attractive because of the extra 20 lbs or so I'm carrying. I can't bring up our R because it leads to nowhere. H loves to make sure I'm having a good time, have what I would want, etc... but hugs the side of the bed when we're in it.
I feel like my head could explode from worry and stress. It's almost harder to enjoy myself with him all day, and live like a normal family. And, then... nothing else.
It's been a long time.
ya know..I read here and see really good things..I'll suggest this again..
work on yourself....if you hate the extra 20 pounds then work to take it off..
I see really good things from your husband..he's making sure you are included, he's taking your side witht he kids..he sounds like he provides..the weekend sounded enjoyable..
you need some patience...more than you know you have..work on you..and it might make him hug something besides the bed..
Storm... that's good stuff. Thank you! You girls have been great cheerleaders. Too bad we can't do Happy Hour together! Three countries... three continents... apart!
Speaking of... The bff's and I are going to Happy Hour on the patio of a German restaurant/pub today! Yea! I ought to be fun. I haven't slept yet. Yikes!
I had better chill on the number of ales!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I've been checking in on your thread. Glad things are going as good as can be expected after your Dad's death. I loved the video!
This 20lbs is coming off! I did really well last week(days), then not so good over the weekend (but we were active), and now I'm back on track again. I've just felt paralyzed, by stress.
Thanks for the insight on H, and there's that P word again. PATIENCE!
Be good.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I swear I'm working on the weight thing. I feel stuck though, almost paralyzed from the stress of all of this stuff.