Thanks for such a long post (and more to come - goody), No need to worry about confusing me with slang. I'm pretty good on the up-take Thanks very much for the insight - truly valuable as I feel sometimes that I'm to close to the issues to see the dratted things.
Firstly - the "money" thing has been put to bed two months ago. Secondly - my dealing with the sad miscarriages is in no way finished yet. Thirdly - There is nothing more important than my W except for me being in a fit state to support her as her H truly should.
I've learned that while cash is there and useful it's a tool not a master. It's been hard and has been since W was cast out of her job but we managed and now I manage. Every month. The last thing I'll say on the subject is that it's gotten so much harder because the money I literally scrape together for her is cash that we used to use to get us through the month. That now doesn't happen. The cupboard is bare, the freezer is empty and the "kids" went hungry for two days. We didn't die but boy it's so much harder than it ever was. The ones left behind will manage.
Sandi, I realize that you have re-read the original note that my W left for me. I also realize you are not "getting at me" (boy what a change THAT is from what I would have "thought" a month ago). To expand on what my W said from an insightful woman's perspective is truly appreciated.
I agree with you that my W had issues with me in particular and where she saw herself in our R.
Quote:
And that you couldn't afford looking after me
This is the one that I just could not get to grips with. It's something I never said but feel it's something that my W collected from little tiny scraps and built this big single lump of a sentence. Does that sound right to you?
What I see just now after re-reading my W's comments and your notes is that she still understates things ....
Quote:
When you met me as an outgoing person.....
Sandi - she still is. With the M a difference came. That difference was never enforced. It just happened. My W has always been able to wind me round her little finger. She could get away with blue murder. I now see that I didn't cope with that very well.
Another understatement - home 30 mins late. Wrong. Two or three hours late. Quite a few times overnight late. Over a long period of time. These times taken singly would not have been a problem for me. Over time it built up little by little and to my shame became something I couldn't bottle up and the stress caused found an escape. I didn't handle that situation as I should have. Immediately discussed it. Explained my feelings to my W. I'm sure she would have understood. I let it slide.
Quote:
I have been very hurt on many occasions. When you spoke to me in such an unrespectfull manner in front of our friends and family.
Not quite unforgivable I pray. It happened a few times later on in the M. I actually caught myself on occasion and asked my W to tell me immediately if something I said caused her any hurt. A few 2 x 4's would have worked wonders. She never did. Bummer.
Sandi, I am so torn in what to do. In what my wife says I never helped her to do the things she truly wanted to. Now my W is sitting in someone else's house with no support from me whatsoever. What can she now be thinking of me? I can only surmise - "and here am I and I'm still not getting anything out of my H. I still have to ask. And he still doesn't help me"
Sandi - about the line in the sand. I see now that what I should have done was listen. But how the heck can I validate something that my W sees as a fact which is just not true? Ah, don't validate all the points she makes - just listen! Phew!
I'm totally torn. I know what I want to do. I want to make sure that my W is looked after to the very best of ALL my abilities. I have no idea how I can offer it without it being either ignored or point blank rejected.
At some point at the risk of becoming a failure in my W's eyes (ah - that's my perception and fear) I simply have to show my W my biggest failure - that we cannot afford to carry on like this. My W truly believes I can manage to support us both as separate people which sadly I cannot. We can make it as a M couple. But not alone. That's my LAST statement on money.
The near total lack of communication and what there is limited to my W texting demands and then thank you's. My occasional calls to her when I pluck up the courage. These are problems I have no control over.
So what the heck do I do?
Pay her? Wait for court? Wait for her next text? Call her?
Or just carry on and in effect (as my W will see it) ignore her.
I really want to apologize for the mess I made of things in the past and most recently yesterday.
My W you will never be a burden to me. If she puts on a bit of weight then that would be a burden I would shoulder with a smile on my face, joy in my heart and count my blessings for having even more of my W in my life.
(OH I'd LOVE to send her that!)
Comments, suggestions and prayers always accepted.
