WAW wants to get togeather?

[wifeleft2009]

sorry my son decided to play his favorite game, how many balls can i get stuck in the gutters so i can get dad to let me walk on the roof.

my suggestion to you is basically "tough love." you have posted in the Infidelity forum, so i assume your wife left you and there are some extramartial concerns. if you weren't married, just dating, would you put up with being number two when she needs something different? wouldnt you want her to be chasing you? making a commitment to you and proving it?

So... im kind of stuck thinking what is best way.

jealousy. it worked on you. it will work on her too.

now i feel this is a fine line im still walking here between a friend and a saftey net.

its a game for her. she doesnt want a friend or a safety net. cant you see how she is testing you. game of love, man. she is chasing just enough not to get caught. and when you get all needy and pleading she gives up.

this week has taken all my progress from befor and just set everything back, we talked and text way too much. I know I did alot of pleading to keep her in the kids lifes. (and yes mine)

she wants a MAN who will put her in her place. not a begger, but a man who is attractive and charming and confidant enough to say I am not a safety net.

Steve McQueen.

"Maybe what you need's for someone to send you flowers.
Someone strong and mean who can prove he has the power to
show you more than charm and take you on your way
to where you want to be at the end of the day."

see I dont beg but when she was steping out of the kids lives I felt there was no choice to keep her around

[wifeleft2009]

Im so close to seeing what I can do to get one of the phone meeting here. I just dont know how to take what she says from day to day.. she texted me she does not want my son tonight it will be too hard but she stresses to me not to be mad at her twice.. I only said it was her choice idk only thing i do know is she brings me into her missery if i let her

[wifeleft2009]

just got this text I just dont understand her... just out of the blue she sent this.


"are the kids having fun? how are you? i miss being part of a family...at least today i do. i miss being loved"


this is the stuff that drives me nuts

[bluerain]

Ugh. I would hate that too. When my H would send texts along those lines I would just want to scream at him "Then why are you doing this!!!"

I think that I would answer her direct questions and ignore the rest of it. Its good that she misses it. She is seeing how the choice that was supposed to improve her life and fix everything is not working out like she planned. When her fantasy falls apart hopefully she will know what she needs to do.

Mort Fertel says that you need to be well positioned when she is ready to come home. Dont change the locks, dont make her feel unwelcome, dont get rid of her stuff. Its anti-DBing almost, but hes a very successful MC also.

So, I dont know, but I think that its useful to look at more than one philosophy.

[wifeleft2009]

well her later texts only got worse! yeah im thinking just what you said!


so i kept my reply short, to her the girls were doing crafts and my son was at grandma's

she asked.... "why is _ at grandma's? Do u miss me?"

I wrote... He is at grandmas so they can drop him off at daycare in the morning. I really don't want to talk about us


then she wrote.... "Um okay....I guess it doesn't matter anyway"

I have to say that is the most blunt amout us she has been yet!

[Steve McQueen]

lol im even more lost.. so some are saying be friends and work on it from there and your saying bassically telling her she is a back staber why should i befriend you? and say screw off

not telling her to screw off. never be mean to a woman. that is an automatic strike against you.

lets look at it this way. you are cheating on your wife. she knows it. she is posting on this board for advice to be your friend and how to be the best number 2. would that be attractive to you? you got a nice piece on the side, who is willing to try new things and give you what you want. and your wife is there just waiting for it to fizzle out. you can drag that out as long as you want because you got it good. 2 women wanting your attention and love. there is now reason for you to recommit to your marriage, because your marriage is willing to hang in limbo as long as you need it to. maybe you come back every once in a while just to give hope and make sure she is still waiting.

But, Now, if she dropped the rope. stopped pursuing. stopped being needy. stopped wanting you back. wouldnt you start questioning what you were losing. wouldnt you start looking at your affair partner and think, its fun to sneak around and screw, but what else does she have to offer other than sneaking around and screwing other men. just a thought, maybe I'm wrong, maybe woman come back because they pity the men they are screwing around on and find that attractive.

[wifeleft2009]

I see what you mean. (see my reply to her texts)
it sounds like your bassically on the same page. she called this morning "just to talk" she said she has not talk to me in awhile. I only talked to her for a few min and then politely let her go....

[bluerain]

I think that if you have already told her that you miss her, and I think that I read that you have in the past, she knows the answer to her question "Do you miss me?". Shes fishing for something. Good job on not letting her run the conversation too, after all you have lots to do in your exciting life! Or at least thats the impression we want to give.

[wifeleft2009]

I think that if you have already told her that you miss her, and I think that I read that you have in the past, she knows the answer to her question "Do you miss me?". Shes fishing for something. Good job on not letting her run the conversation too, after all you have lots to do in your exciting life! Or at least thats the impression we want to give.

thanks! yeah I dont know what to make of the recent talk from her... tonight I got yet more texts she starts out saying she does not know what is wrong with her.... so i asked HUH? and she tells me she cant stop crying she does not know what she wants.. so I tell her IDK what to tell you . I said smile tomarrow is going to be a sunny day well, if the morning storms pass by... then she wrote I guess it does not matter anyway


she is def. fishing for some simpathy or something from me. Ive been trying to keep it like I would treat anyone else

[Steve McQueen]

yeah I dont know what to make of the recent talk from her...

these are the responses your wife is looking for

she asked.... "why is _ at grandma's? Do u miss me?"

then she wrote.... "Um okay....I guess it doesn't matter anyway"

"Yeah, I'm really hard right now. I miss you taking care of that."

tonight I got yet more texts she starts out saying she does not know what is wrong with her....

"Your probably just horny and need to be satisfied."

"are the kids having fun? how are you? i miss being part of a family...at least today i do. i miss being loved"

"why dont you come over after the kids go to bed? we can fool around a little bit"

she is playing a game with you. its all about how you play into her little fantasy right now.