Well, I watched the movie "The Last Holiday" and it was good, but I was just feeling lonely and I just had to have a cry. But, it was cathartic and I felt fine afterwards. I am hurting a lot as the reality of my divorce is settling in. I know for sure I can make it on my own, but its getting used to a different mind set of being on my own, that really gets me.
But, I went in to work today and it was nice to be surrounded by my collegues who I enjoy being around. I have decided today that there is no longer any reason to be in touch with him. He has been calling and texting a lot last 2 weeks...partly due to my new job and partly bc of my dad's health issues. Now those things are settling down. Though I have not initiated one phone call since his visit, I am still too available. I think I probably call him back -on average- within 5 hrs.
He has access to me when he wants. There needs to be a cut from that. I am going to just use this board every time he calls and I feel the need to call back.
I am setting a goal of not talking to him at all until August 11th. Its a month from my divorce date....pray that I can make it.....I think he doesn't really feel my loss......acutally, truth be told I have no idea what he feels. I have stopped wearing my wedding ring. I feel like a fraud wearing it... I think maybe for myself even........I should give myself some space from him. Its important to know my own reality that is about to descend upon me in 45 days or so...
Let's see how long I can last. Today is the 27th, Monday. One day down.....
