I think lots of us make tactical changes as 180's to appeal to our current spouses - to try to bring them back. Change the way you dress, cut your hair, be more romantic, be more aggressive, etc. Correct, in that these are things which, if they don't work, can be discarded or changed for a future partner. They are not part of our core.
The more important changes don't really matter who your partner is or what they are like: Do you know yourself and what you want? Are you able to listen to what your partner really is asking for and understand their point of view? Are you able to calmly confront your partner when your needs are not met? Have you faced your FOO issues and the impact they have on who you are in a R?
These are the changes you make for yourself.
Big ditto to this; very well put.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
