More questions... Do you keep saying ILY to keep the connection alive? I stopped the first time and she called me on it. Not so sure his time.
Is she saying it back? Does she initiate it at all? Does she get that uncomfortable look on her face when you say it to her. Pay attention the next time you say it to her. Are you just blurting it out or is there real feeling behind it? Try to feel the effect it has on her..without a mental translation. NEVER say it to her to take the temperature of the relationship. Is she just saying it or is there substance behind it?
Originally Posted By: 62906
Do you stop doing the kiss goodnight and goodmorning? This stayed throughout the dark times.
Keep doing it. Who initiates the kisses? You? Her? Both of you at times?
Originally Posted By: 62906
Do you stop the calls in the afternoon to ask how things are going so she can vent on how the kids are on her last raw nerve? I don't want W to use that against me later...
No you don't stop. If it's a normal part of your routine with her and she's not showing any distaste for it then keep doing it.
Originally Posted By: 62906
Do you try and start conversations like normal adults or leave it uncomfortably quite with no interaction?
Yes you talk with her like you normally converse. Just don't initiate any relationship or marriage talks. You have to learn how to DETACH. When you do, you won't have this kind of question anymore.
Originally Posted By: 62906
Also, what do you do when it seems like W is competing with you for the kids attention and hearts? Doing or giving them whatever they want. Candy, games, toys from the store?
Competition or guilt? Be careful when you assume to know the intentions of another person. You aren't privy to her internal world. It's your interpretation of what you perceive is her intention...
Originally Posted By: 62906
Do I keep doing things with my W that we have always done?
Yes.
Originally Posted By: 62906
I ask these questions because no matter how my times I have the books it just makes sense in these cases. This seems to the last chance at anything. And it is seeming like the slimest chance at this point.
You have no idea if it's the last chance or if it has the slimmest of chances. There was a guy here who was standing in front of the judge TWO times for a final divorce decree ... and he ended up working on piecing his marriage together. Now talk to him about the slimmest of chances.
You are labeling the situation with these. Be careful, because you will operate from the point of view that is a desperate 'last attempt'. Again, DETACHING IS THE KEY.
You can't read the future, nor can you predict if from past or present appearances. I had sex with my W in December after a year of not having it, then in January she told me she wants a divorce. Go figure.
Forget about trying to interpret what the future will look like. You have no friggin idea.
