Just checkin' in, Treese....... I'm sending you good karma! Everything your H is saying to you, mine has said (and continues to say) to me......I feel your pain, my friend!!! But we will survive......and even thrive!!!!
((((((((hugs)))))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Gosh my life has been so hectic lately....here's what's been going on....
I went to the attorney last week....love her...she is sooo nice..found out a few things I didn't know...H's love child gets equal share of his money...that really hurt....not fair but what can I do....I've never even seen the kid and he is taking money from our children...she told me under no circumstance am I to sit down with him and discuss anything...let him do all the work...let him come up with a proposal and tell him I will look it over and get back to him..she also told me that YES i can end up with more than half his pay..he swears I can't...I have not heard from him in over two weeks....that just means a storm is brewing...So, now I just live and see what happens...
Went to Chicago...left last Thursday...son had his last ballgame that night so I missed it but H did text me the game..at that point I had it worked out that my mom and my D22 would care for my son for the weekend...H didn't know I was heading out of town...S12 was to go camping for a few days also but that got rained out...H was going to take son on Saturday and my D17 called and said that my son didn't want to go with his dad and he shouldnt have to....I'm 450 miles from home and I'm crying...I didn't know what to do...my first thought was to get on a plane and fly home to take care of him but my d17 said not to worry she would care for my son along with d22...for me to have a good time...that I deserved it....
So...I texted H from Chicago and said I didnt need him for Saturday...H assumed he went camping... I ended up going to Wrigley Field for a Cubs game...it was so much fun....got home Sunday evening...
Well....since....my daughter tore down wallpaper in spare room and helped me paint...God love her....we found her wedding gown...it's gorgeous....and get this...
While she was in her dress....modeling...the song that came on the radio was...Three times a Lady....the song my H dedicated to me on our wedding day....I teared up and looked at my mom who was doing the same....what are the odds....it's such an old song and for it to come on at that very moment...wow....
So, I haven't heard from H at all....this morning I get a text from him asking if he can have S12....I haven't depended on him so my son asked to go camping again with his friend and I said yes.....he has a ball....I want him to be a kid...so I just texted that back to my H and of course I got no response....Was I wrong to let son go? I didn't know H would want him tmrw...I haven't heard from him.....Why do I feel bad about it? and again....as soon as i saw the text come through my heart was pounding....It still continues to amaze me how they completely write us off....I mean they dont even check to see if we are okay
My mom called last night....my dad who was in that terrible accident a few months ago lost his job....he almost got killed working for this company for 35 years and this is how they treat him....
It's never ending.....
Last edited by Treese; 07/31/0901:13 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, You have now heard the words...do not discussion it with him. No more discussions about anything...except the wedding, your children and over night visits, etc. Leave the financial stuff to the lawyer and let's see what your h comes up w. He doesn't know what the law will or will not allow and that's why it is important to keep this information under wraps. Do not show your hand or share the knowledge that you've gained w/him. You do not want to give him the upper hand.
As for the love child, I wasn't surprised to hear about the money for him. I'm sorry things turned out this way, but he does need to support him as well. The child didn't ask for any of this drama in his young life.
Stop second guessing yourself when it comes to your son and his father. Your son needs to be w/his friends as well and your h should have asked in advance and not waited until the last minute. You did the right thing by allowing your son to go w/his friend. Your h is a big boy and needs to schedule things in advance. It's his loss.
As for your father, I'm sorry to hear about the layoff. He may not be the only one t be laid off. Companies today do not look at the "loyalty and giving of yourself" when it comes to layoffs like they use to.
Now, keep your focus on the you, your family and the upcoming wedding. Leave the drama at the door and enjoy the weekend.
I am so glad you got to get away and that things worked out for your son.
Listen to your L. Let him do what ever and then let her handle it and advise you on it.
Your D 22 sounds like a angel. I am glad she is helping you out so much. I am also happy that you let your S go camping. Your H shouldn't think that he can just pick up the phone and your S will be available, like you said he has to be a kid.
I feel for your Dad with the economy like it is, it is happening so much now.
If a storm is brewing, step back away from it. You don't need anymore crap in your life righyt now!
I've been okay....cause basically H is non-existant...I'm better off that way....if I don't see him I'm okay....I've been okay I guess...Had a bad day when it was his "love childs' Birthday./..the day before mine.....cried alot...but I did okay...a friend took me out for dinner and bought me lots of presents....very nice....
I went to a Casino with my mom and sister for 3 days. while I was gone H came in and took some more stuff/....of course he did cause I was gone...took son camping for 2 days...whoopie....had him a total of 4 days all summer long....I quit asking for him to take him....I just took care of my kids....
well....today my D22 calls and says she called in her scripts and they tell her there is a $100 balance on the acct...so she calls me...I tell her I have no idea about it cause we have started to get our scrips her in town instead of mailing them....so I call....explain to them what I do now...guess what....it wasn't for my family at all it was the love child's scrips....the mother is supposed to pay half...didn't ....I texted H about it cause I'm sobbing so hard I didnt' want to talk to him...besides I haven't contacted him in weeks....he's living his wonderful life....he texts me back...he didn't know about them....these scripts are from March and May...evidently the kid is on a medication he needs every three months...great....didn't know that one....so my D22 says they wont send her scrip until it is paid....well....H gets bonus every month...part of his pay...it went from 2500 to $98.....I was crying so hard....H didn't even tell me ...I had to look on my account...so now I'm sunk.....D22 wants to call and give it to H but I said no cause he will blame me and its not worth the fight....I feel bad as it is....so my mom is bailing me out....AGAIN!!!
I can't stop crying....someone tell me the pain stops eventually.....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, I'm sorry that you are having to deal w/this....but, you have been at this for quite some time and should know that you cannot expect him to be honest w/you about anything. Look at the bonus situation...not telling you about that. I would also suspect that he knew about the scripts as well....
Girl friend, time you toughen up, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and make some firm decisions as to what you want to do here. The pain and suffering will lessen...but only when you are ready to move forward...DO NOT EXPECT HIM TO DO THE HONORABLE THING! He's incapable of doing anything right at this time...do not expect him to be honest w/you and above all else....watch your finances and bank statements closely.
Time for you to sit down and make a list of what you need to do to move forward. You are the only adult right now in the mix, therefore, you have to be the one to make the sound decisions for you and your family. He's not going to be of any use to you and your family for a long time, if ever.
Snodderly said it better than I could. I will use fewer words. It's time to let him go. Protect yourself, and your kids. File. If lightning strikes, let him work his way back. But it's not going to happen anytime soon, I don't think it ever will. You've done everything you could. You can be happy with the person you see when you look in the mirror. I am happy to know someone like that.
Treese, you are a great woman, a great mother. It's time to take care of yourself. HUGS!
And I will tell you that I actually felt a LOT better one I told H that I was going to file for D. I didn't want it. I had really wrestled with myself on it. I told myself that he was going to have to be the one to take that step. But, then I thought about it, and I thought it would definitely be a 180 for me, so I just did it.......and it like I had stopped running and turned around and yanked the teeth out of an angry tiger that was trying to bite me in the a**!!
Of course, you have to follow your own heart, Treese. But, the only way to get to the other side of the fear and pain, is to go through it..... so you might as well bite the bullet and face it head on.
Take care!
((((((hugs))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
