Regarding changes as they relate to future partners, shallow changes that are made to appeal to the preferences of one partner can be easily modified or discarded if unsuited for another. Obviously.
But deeper changes, especially dealing with mental health issues, addictions, insecurities, abuse are pretty imperative lest we follow the most likely path of (as my divorce L relative who happens to be am a**hole but very experienced says) just "replacing bodies". So, if we married and procreated and cohabitated with an a**hole, we have a bit of work to do on ourselves.
On the iPhone but just had to chime in here.
Pretty close to what I was going to add AliveandKicking...
To use your words with a few changes....
I think lots of us make tactical changes as 180's to appeal to our current spouses - to try to bring them back. Change the way you dress, cut your hair, be more romantic, be more aggressive, etc. Correct, in that these are things which, if they don't work, can be discarded or changed for a future partner. They are not part of our core.
The more important changes don't really matter who your partner is or what they are like: Do you know yourself and what you want? Are you able to listen to what your partner really is asking for and understand their point of view? Are you able to calmly confront your partner when your needs are not met? Have you faced your FOO issues and the impact they have on who you are in a R?
These are the changes you make for yourself.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
