So the past is subject to interpretation (ie. could be "wrong" or "right" depending on POV). You can't do a damn thing about it anymore. Future hasn't happened yet. How about you just do "right now" and leave it at that?
Now go outside and play.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Regarding changes as they relate to future partners, shallow changes that are made to appeal to the preferences of one partner can be easily modified or discarded if unsuited for another. Obviously.
But deeper changes, especially dealing with mental health issues, addictions, insecurities, abuse are pretty imperative lest we follow the most likely path of (as my divorce L relative who happens to be am a**hole but very experienced says) just "replacing bodies". So, if we married and procreated and cohabitated with an a**hole, we have a bit of work to do on ourselves.
I mean, if I'm a lousy listener and a lousy lay....
Puppy, That's the word on the street.
Low hanging fruit, I couldn't resist.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
IMHO, subjective truth mostly resides in articulation of emotion and/or attribution of motive. To use a stereotypical and somewhat ludicrous example .... If I say, "You always left the toilet seat up", that is or is not a fact. It is or is not "true", an accurate accounting of historical facts. If I say, "You weren't considerate of my needs and just did what you wanted to, which made me feel less-than and unloved", *there* is where the constructed/subjective "truth" really resides.
When I mean the latter, but voice the former, that's where everything gets really hinky, because that's where the arguments about objective truth (did you or did you not leave the seat up) become attacks on my subjective truth (I felt unloved).
LMFAO - OMG Kettricken, you may say this is a ludicrous example, but I lived EXACTLY this example for years.
Her: "You Left the toilet seat up again! You always leave it up! How many times..." (Her thought bubble {feeling unloved, unappreciated} "...if you really loved me you would pay attention to what I want and prioritize my needs"
Me: "I don't always leave it up! and besides, what does it matter anyway?! Who cares whether it is up or down?!" (My thought bubble {feeling like am missing a free part of me that dissapeared when I got married and took on the added responsibilities} "You are not going to housebreak me dammit! You are not going to take away my freedom in how I pee (and somehow therefore make me less of a man???? ;This is feeling controlled and I'm not giving in")
The argument went on for a VERY long time, and in hindsight was never even about the stupid toilet seat.
It finally went away for good after I realized what I was fighting about and told myself "This is stupid. It matters to her. It REALLY doesn't matter to me (I am arguing about something else), so just do it!"
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Being literal here...when you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and end up with your rear touching the water, it matters that the toilet seat was left up.
But anyhoo, it is still more of a control issue IMO.
"Rear touching the water." Ha. I've actually fallen in!!!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
