It takes guts to admit those kind of things about ourselves. It's hard! I had been grown for years before I had it slapped in my face. I wondered why somebody didn't say anything sooner. Of course, I was so shocked by the idea that "I" tried to control certain people in my family that I could have been blown over. It is difficult to see ourselves as others see us.
For the record, I do not think any man should put up with rudeness from his wife. The longer she gets away with bad behavior, the worse she will get. That is why I continued to ask you how long she had been acting that way on the phone, etc. If she has done this for a long time…then saying something now while other things are falling apart may not be the best timing in the world. I have learned that “timing” is everything! If you have a sense of humor and people think you are funny, then try to figure out a way to get the message to her without it sounding as criticisms.
When you explained in that last post about “why” you went to her bedroom that night and lay down beside her…it made perfect sense to me. Not saying that I agree that you should have went in there, but I understand why. However, I saw it just like your W did before ou explained it better. Perhaps you need to make certain that you do all that you can to explain your reasons behind your actions instead of assuming that she knows “why”. See what I mean?
Have you ever tried to write down the areas that you need to work on yourself? I think making personal goals where you are concerned would be a wonderful thing to do for yourself…as well as for your wife. It is much harder now than it was as a teenager, isn’t it? I guess getting set in our ways would not be so bad…as long as they were great ways!
You don’t know how much better I feel about the person you are…after you talked more. Thanks for sharing that. I still feel so badly about your W and what she must have suffered over the years due to the rape. I can’t imagine! How I wished she had received the help she needed. I don’t know how you dealt with it, either. As a minister, how would you counsel a couple that had had this awful experience? I’m not asking you to put it into words here on the board, but in thinking about it to yourself. Couples who go through tragedies in other realms have to figure out a way to make their M work…or else give up, don’t they? Have you ever had to counsel any church members who had anything close to what your W went through?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
