Mindblank #5 - Livin' La Vida Limboland...

[mindfull]

Storm. H didn't agree to try. I said it to him in a txt or email. Not sure which. It was basically, just along the lines of, me understanding he's not happy, and I'm not either. We have some pretty special family moments coming up through the holidays, and I'd really just like to forget all of this stressful stuff is between us, and enjoy the holidays with the kids. He never replied. He just "responded." If that makes sense... He DID enjoy the activities, holidays, etc... from that moment on. He SAID he DID.

He was going to walk out, a year prior to that. That's when the problems started... December of 07. We had a tax/irs bomb that month, he was unhappy w/being forced to be in our home, said he had fallen out of love w/me because he was always being forced to give me/us something new/different... couldn't do it anymore. I immediately stopped all of the pushing (regards to things, vacations, etc...), but kept on trying to talk to him, sobbing, pleading, trying to do anything...

November of 08 I flipped, did the ultimate in non-recommended DB behaviors, and was sobbing, holding onto him, begging him to stay... (after going to dinner w/friends - too many martini's too). He called the police, who didn't do anything because I wasn't really doing anything wrong. He left and came back a week later, two days after I had purchased and read DR twice. And, hence the non-relationship talk, and enjoy the holidays txt and email.

The size of the wall has shrunk considerably in the past three months or so... Not sure why. I'm not being any different. Maybe he is more comfortable that I won't pressure him. I've only slipped w/one somewhat major (breakdown?) and a minor txt or two of temperature taking.

My H is enjoying staying behind his way (even though it's much smaller now). I'm just not sure he's able to lower it completely. I'm hoping the weight loss helps. Confidence? Attractiveness? Not sure... but it's almost worse to handle now. Odd