Hope you had a great weekend, sounds like lots of fun indeed.
I have a question for you about when you asked your H to put aside your sitch and have fun over xmas. I tried this at a similar time, but it didn't work as H was still to angry and having fun, and I was too teary and naggy. We are both past those stages, but H is still behind his wall so I do not see the point of asking im to try again.
Did your H agree to try and you both left it at that and have drifted since then? Was he ever going to walk out and somewhere else? Do you think the size of the wall he hides behind has changed much in the last six months or since thinks got calmer in your house? If so, what made the changes?? As you can tell, that wall is bugging me this week, and your H seems to like staying behind it right now too!!
Whitewater rafting is AWESOME! They claim there were Class IV rapids that we went through, but I tend to they think were over exaggerating, but nonetheless, superb time rafting! God! That was scary, exhilarating, crazy, and all that jazz... S9 was the best on all of this. He was really "too young" to go on this trip, but after giving him a little "smarts" test, they let him go and ride, what they call, Bullrider (basically hooked to the front in the middle, between H and S12 -- D18 and I were behind them). The pics on their web-site are, TOO DIE FOR, funny! You can pick our raft out of the six, with 100's of pics anywhere... All's you see is S9 with this HUGE grin on his face in the middle front of the raft! At several points our front two rows were completely immersed in water. Hilarious! No one fell out though!
Also, we did a High Ropes Course. TOTALLY fun. 65 feet in the air! Five stories high! Again, scary, exhilarating, etc... but superb!
More to come in a bit... my names being called by at least five voices. UGH
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
D18 was complaining (in the car), starting Sunday am, about WHEN we were going to get home. Finally, after the third inquiry that were progressively getting more edgy, I told her "D18, I know what you're getting at (wants to get home to go out w/her friends), and we are not going to rush a fun weekend. I told you we would be home late Sunday evening, or even Monday."
Another inquiry awhile later... "D18, your Dad and I work lots of hours all week, and we are not interested in 'going through a drive-thru,' just because you want to get home to go out. When we can get off of work, and get out of town, we are going to enjoy ourselves, and provide a fun time for you and your bros."
We go out to dinner in Lake Geneva, at a superb restaurant we used to go to all the time... Very nice. Very good. Takes awhile.
In the meantime, H is kind of joking w/her, saying he was considering going to Sam's Club on the way home to do our shopping for the month, and she's giggling a bit w/him about it.
When we get home, we pull into the driveway, and she goes to get in her car to go home to her apartment. I ask her to please help unload H's car. She does so, and doesn't say goodbye, or thank you or anything, just goes to leave again. H calls her back in... She comes in to talk to me. I say, "D17, listen, I know you want to go home, but you can't just up and leave everyone. We have all of this stuff to unpack." (And, btw, you're welcome for an awesome weekend!) She (not thinking H is in earshot) starts to swear at me, saying she doesn't live here anymore and doesn't have to do anymore of this sh#t for me, etc... I tell her that I just want her help getting all of the bedding and towels we used to the laundry room, and the food unpacked into the refrigerator. She goes on and on on her rant. I tell her to remember this tone and bratty behavior when she needs something this week. Again, more, brattier rant. H walks in and hears her, and says, "D18, you and I get along great, but after hearing you with your mom, and (before) thinking this is just a bickering problem between the two of you, I've changed my mind. Get the F*ck out of the house until you can be appreciative, respectful, and kind." Now, for those of you who dont know this, H is D18's step-dad, but they have been together since she was three, and they are very close. She considers him her Dad, and she has him wrapped around her finger. (He feels bad her Dad treated her so bad, so rarely gets involved in discipline, talking stern to her, etc...)
So, that was the end of our weekend together. Isn't that cute? H says she's just in a stage, at an age, etc... where the only person she cares about is herself, so we shouldn't offer anything beyond quality time if she chooses to partake. No more getting her things for her apartment, no more helping w/deposits on this or that, no more etc... Let her need us and our support.
So, today I txt'd her and told her that I got her cell phone bill (we had switched over to her when she moved out), and it's due in a few days, and if she chooses not to be a respectful and contributing member of our family, then she needs to pay me back for the deposit I put down to get it in her name. And, that her auto insurance is only good through Friday, so we need her (title transfer) paperwork signed on her car by then (car in her name now so we don't get sued if she crashes it and doesn't have insurance).
She txt'd back saying she would be over in the am.
OY!
To be continued...
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
H, S12, and S9 are home. We go out on our boat, and S12 invites his "girlfriend." The kids wakeboard and wakesurf. H wakesurf's, and he says, "W, ok, your turn." Now, I love watersports, but rarely partake, as there's never really enough time for Mom, after everyone else has gone, and I don't particularly care. I'd rather spot, enjoy the boat and water, and drive when they need me to. So, today, I say, "Yep, H, I'm ready. Where's my life jacket?" He likes stuff like that since he's so active. So, I wakesurfed, with H's help, as it had been two years. I bit it once pretty good, and laughed it off. Second attempt was awesome, and I even pulled myself back onto the boat while we were still going!
After that we took the kids to a restaurant on the river to eat, and had a good time. H just left, later, again, than usual. Fun time.
All of this fun, and him seeking me out to make sure I'm having a good time, making sure I have something I like to drink, making sure I see how cute S12 is being w/his girlfriend, etc... And, yet, I'm still in tears (alone) five to six times a day.
It's the loneliest crowd I've ever been in.
All of the restaurants in Lake Geneva we drove by were ones we had gone to on "married" dates just a few years back. I see my S12 with his arm around his gf watching TV, and my H bringing me to see them, makes me remember when he would want to be close to me. Etc. Etc. Etc.
What do I do? I can't live like this. I don't feel attractive because of the extra 20 lbs or so I'm carrying. I can't bring up our R because it leads to nowhere. H loves to make sure I'm having a good time, have what I would want, etc... but hugs the side of the bed when we're in it.
I feel like my head could explode from worry and stress. It's almost harder to enjoy myself with him all day, and live like a normal family. And, then... nothing else.
It's been a long time.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Storm. H didn't agree to try. I said it to him in a txt or email. Not sure which. It was basically, just along the lines of, me understanding he's not happy, and I'm not either. We have some pretty special family moments coming up through the holidays, and I'd really just like to forget all of this stressful stuff is between us, and enjoy the holidays with the kids. He never replied. He just "responded." If that makes sense... He DID enjoy the activities, holidays, etc... from that moment on. He SAID he DID.
He was going to walk out, a year prior to that. That's when the problems started... December of 07. We had a tax/irs bomb that month, he was unhappy w/being forced to be in our home, said he had fallen out of love w/me because he was always being forced to give me/us something new/different... couldn't do it anymore. I immediately stopped all of the pushing (regards to things, vacations, etc...), but kept on trying to talk to him, sobbing, pleading, trying to do anything...
November of 08 I flipped, did the ultimate in non-recommended DB behaviors, and was sobbing, holding onto him, begging him to stay... (after going to dinner w/friends - too many martini's too). He called the police, who didn't do anything because I wasn't really doing anything wrong. He left and came back a week later, two days after I had purchased and read DR twice. And, hence the non-relationship talk, and enjoy the holidays txt and email.
The size of the wall has shrunk considerably in the past three months or so... Not sure why. I'm not being any different. Maybe he is more comfortable that I won't pressure him. I've only slipped w/one somewhat major (breakdown?) and a minor txt or two of temperature taking.
My H is enjoying staying behind his way (even though it's much smaller now). I'm just not sure he's able to lower it completely. I'm hoping the weight loss helps. Confidence? Attractiveness? Not sure... but it's almost worse to handle now. Odd
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
We had a summer home on Delavan (for six years) up until three years ago. We moved into our home on a nice river right over the WI/IL line, and had a hard time getting there (two boys in club soccer, and a teenage daughter), so we got rid of it. Some of the best memories of my life.
We went almost every weekend, and on Saturday nights if no one was visiting us, H and I would drop the kids at Lake Lawn kids club, and go to dinner in Fontana, Wiliams Bay or Lake Geneva. I miss it.
We went to Cafe Calamari yesterday... YUM!
I see you have teenage daughter's and a S12, too. It's always something, huh? The boys are easy, but that D18... I've always said... I think God made her so cute so I wouldn't thump her!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I tried to find your thread? I see an old one... Pre-D. Nothing current?
I keep seeing your name, and thinking of that Ting Ting's Song... "That's not my name..." o/~ They call me hell, they call me Stacy, they call me her, they call me Jane... that's not my name. That's not my name.
LOL
Been in the car too many hours w/teens this weekend!
Last edited by mindblank; 07/28/0912:19 AM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I know it's been a long time, just as it has for me. But I do think you're seeing progress. It's very slow and frustrating, but it's progress! Keep it up! I especially like how he's backing you up with the D18 tantrums!
It seems like I see less and less progress in my sitch. I am constantly lowering my expectations further and further. There's some change in W's situation and there may be some more. It could be positive and it could also be negative. Come on over...
